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Dear Eric: I am a recent young widow. My life partners' sudden death was devastating. Our friends told me I could reach out to them if I needed to talk or for help. So far, they have not been a great support network and seem to be keeping me at a distance when I do reach out to them.

I absolutely understand they may not be ready to face the reality of their childhood friend's absence; it's been just over a year since we lost them, but does that justify them not replying to my texts or helping me move?

I am sure they are hurting from our sudden shocking loss, and I am a reminder of days none of us will ever have again, but does that justify "ghosting" me?

Not to say I don't have a support network at all, but they don't have the same connection to my life partner as these friends did. These friends are connected to my favorite time in my life with my loved one; we hosted and celebrated their huge life moments with them, gave them emotional and material support during hard and stressful times. Moving forward with life

without them has been painful.

What's a widow to do?

– Grieving Loss of Connections

Dear Connection: I’m sorry for the loss of your partner, and sorry that your friends haven’t been there for you. This isn’t right, but it is, unfortunately, very human. Grief can make us behave in strange ways or sometimes can motivate us to avoid certain people or places out of a sense of self-preservation. Quite often, people don’t know what to do or say in the face of another person’s grief. The truth is – as you likely know and are experiencing – sometimes the only thing a friend or loved one needs to do in the face of another’s grief is to be there.

Consider writing a letter to these friends. You may want to let yourself do a couple of drafts, as sometimes when we’re writing out our emotions, the first try is mostly a way for us to release and process our frustration, anger or hurt.

This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t express those things to your friends, if you want. But the point of the letters is mainly to give you a chance to step away from the relationships on your own terms. You can tell them that you were grateful for their friendship and you were saddened that you weren’t able to reach them after your partner’s death.

Then, decide if, given their behavior, you want to continue to reach out to them or hope for their support. It may turn out that this event has brought out sides of their characters that don’t work for you. If that’s the case, it may be best to simply bid them goodbye, hold on to the memories, and rely on the people in your network.

Dear Eric: I lived in my hometown for 32 years then moved to another state.

My dad passed in 2020, mom in 2024. I was in such bad financial shape that when my parents left me the house, I moved back. I was $175,000 in debt.

I should have sold it. My sibling offered me $60,000 for what I believe was half the title and, without thinking, I signed half the house to her. The agreement was that when I die, she would get the full title.

However, I never got the money. I asked about the $60,000 and both she and her husband just blew it off since the title paper was signed.

Should I pursue the $60,000 to pay for upkeep, taxes and insurance on the house?

– Half the House

Dear House: Short answer – yes. I hope you and your sibling recorded the details of this arrangement in writing. That will make it easier to sort out. But even if you didn’t, you may still have options. Talk to a real estate lawyer about your particular situation and find out what options you have for pursuing the money and/or selling the home.

The latter may be the easiest option, if you’re able to arrange it with your sibling. This would leave you both with half the proceeds, without the encumbrance of having to negotiate about the house.

You may also want to talk to your sibling about what her intentions with the house are. Does she want to move into it? Does she resent you living in it? Her opinions about it aren’t your problem, per se, but they could give you some insight and hopefully lead you both to an amicable solution that works. You can have the conversation at the same time as you talk to an attorney about your options for recouping the money that was agreed upon.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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