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Dear Eric: My special friend and I are in our late 70’s and have lost our long-time spouses. We are blessed to have found each other on a hiking trip and for two years have been inseparable.

His family loves me and I love his family. Recently he has asked me to sell my house and move in with him.

So, what is the problem? I have a small dog, only five years old and house trained, and I enjoy him and our long walks together. When Gary and I travel I leave my dog with a good friend that I have known for 30 years.

Gary does not want a dog in his house and has casually commented that maybe I could give him to my friend if I move in with him. I am torn; I love my little dog but would like to live the rest of my life with Gary. Is there a solution to this conundrum?

– Out of the Dog House

Dear House: Not to get too hung up on terminology, but if you were to sell your house and move in with Gary, it would be your home, too. So, while Gary may not want a dog in his home, you do want a dog in your home, and his wants shouldn’t supersede yours. You should be able to define home as together.

Moving in with a partner requires a lot of compromises and creative solutions. But it’s a time when you get to merge your lives and see what new thing you can create together. That doesn’t necessarily mean that Gary has to become man’s best friend’s best friend all of a sudden, but it shouldn’t be off the table.

Unless there’s a financial imperative for you, it may not be in your best interest to sell your home. What’s stopping you from keeping your home and your dog while spending more time at Gary’s – provided you can continue to arrange suitable dog sitting when you’re there? This way you don’t begin this new phase of your relationship grappling with a loss and can fully enjoy the deepening relationship you’re building.

Dear Eric: I recently discovered that two sisters I knew 50 years ago passed away in tragic circumstances, one at the age of just 27 and the other at my age. I knew them when we were in college together at a tough time in my life. For two years, these two sisters invited me to visit and study often in their little rented home next to a park with hiking and biking trails and outdoor ice skating in the winter. Over the years we somehow completely lost touch.

I recently learned about a third sister that I never knew, and she lives a few hours away from me. We texted some stories about her sisters, and she said she would like to meet with me to tell me more about her sisters’ lives. I would love to know more and have so many questions, but she never follows through to set up a meeting.

She is a nurse who obviously cares about others very much, and I would love to meet her because she reminds me of her two sisters who invited me into their lives long ago. I suppose that would make me feel I’m experiencing something of their wonderful personalities beyond the grave. But I haven’t pressed by texting or emailing her again. I would never want her to think I’m something like a stalker. It’s been about six months. Should I try to contact her again?

– Seeking Sisters

Dear Seeking: Being a little more proactive about setting a time and place to meet with the third sister might help her and you. It’s possible that other life commitments distracted her and kept her from following through with the plan you discussed. It’s also possible that she, understandably, has complicated emotions about the meeting. But it’s fine to take her at her word that she wants to talk with you and share about her sisters.

To make that happen, you might say something more concrete about future plans like, “I’ll be in your area next week and I have an open schedule. Can I take you to lunch or coffee so we can talk about your sisters?”

It will help if you offer a set date or dates but leave enough flexibility that she can work around her schedule. It’s also a good idea to make plans at a public place and perhaps choose an activity that has a natural time limit, like lunch. The goal is to give her an easy way to say yes and not feel boxed in, while also leaving plenty of space for her to decline or suggest a modification, if she so chooses.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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