ArcaMax

Dear Eric: My husband and I have been living far from any of his relatives for several decades, and now we are contemplating moving to an area where many of his relatives live. They are generally pleasant and well-meaning people, and I mostly enjoy their company.

My husband’s relatives (immediate and extended family) are all Christians for whom winning souls to salvation is a crucial matter. He was raised this way but, while still Christian, no longer believes that it is the only legitimate spiritual path.

Early in my adulthood I converted to Judaism (raised as nothing in particular) and have remained observant ever since.

My problem concerns being questioned by his relatives why I converted to Judaism. I do not enjoy discussing this – for me, this is a private matter – and have already been asked this question by two in his family. I was even asked by one why I did not want to be Christian.

I want to be gracious, and I don’t mind questions about my Jewish practices or beliefs, but asking “why” feels intrusive. So, is there a diplomatic way to decline answering? I really want to be prepared for this, as I know it will come up again.

– A Private Matter

Dear Private: One path may be to say it plainly, similar to what you wrote here: “I treat faith and spirituality as something that’s personal, so I don’t talk about it. I hope you understand that I don’t want to offend you. I just see it as sacred to me. But I’m happy to talk about how I practice my faith, if you’re interested.”

For someone who is dogmatic, or has a strong commitment to evangelism, this may not be satisfactory. But that’s something that they have to work through. It’s not your responsibility to make it OK for them. And you don’t have to debate your choice or your boundary with them.

You may also want to talk about this with your husband, as he’ll likely have insights both as someone who is related to these folks and as someone who speaks the same language around faith and religious practice. He may be a good buffer for you in future conversations.

Dear Eric: My parents, in their 70s, have decided to move from New England, where our whole extended family lives, to Florida, where no one in the family lives.

When they told me, I told them that I hope they did not expect me to take my limited time off and financial resources to bring my whole family to visit them on a regular basis. I also said not to expect to rely on me in the event of an emergency.

I was clear with them that they are deciding to move away from us, their entire social support system, and we should not be expected to bear the burden of their decision.

I should note that this sort of thinking is very much in line with the type of thinking they raised me with: individual responsibility and living with the consequences of one's actions.

They took my response very poorly and are not speaking to me.

My siblings have all told me they are 100 percent in agreement with me but have not admitted that to our parents. Am I out of line to expect my parents to walk the talk they raised us with and for being frank with them about my opinion?

– Honest Son

Dear Honest Son: From your description, the comments seem to be an outsized reaction to your parents’ decision. They come across as harsh. But – as with so many things in families – it’s very likely that the comments aren’t just about the decision. Is it possible that the frustration you’re feeling is rooted in some other part of your relationship with your parents and it’s coming to a head with this move?

Obviously, without more information it’s not clear. So, let’s talk about what’s generally true.

Your parents are free to move wherever they want to move. Obviously, any move impacts the whole family, but if you’re taking it personally or seeing it solely as a burden, it might help to ask them about their reasons and what benefits they hope to derive from relocating.

You also might ask what they plan to do in the event of an emergency or whether they’ve made plans to return for visits. There’s no guarantee that they’ve thought that far, but as a family you can discuss what everyone hopes will happen and come up with a plan that works for all.

You’re entitled to your opinion. But in this case, it doesn’t seem that sharing your opinion is going to get you what you want. So, try another form of communication focused on understanding and finding solutions.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.