ArcaMax

Dear Eric: Today I was shopping at one of the major chain stores, where I shop often. I checked my items out at the self-checkout line.

When I got to my car and unloaded my purchases, stuck in the back of the shopping cart there was a small item that I had completely overlooked.

I immediately took the item back to the store, checked it out and paid for it in the self-checkout line.

Then a clerk followed me to my car, and I'm pretty sure took down my license plate number. She did not speak to me.

I feel absolutely horrible about this, but it was a very honest mistake, and when I realized it, I immediately tried to correct it, by taking the overlooked item back to the store and paying for it.

I have never stolen anything in my entire life, and I am not about to start at the age of 80. What should I have done?

– Innocent Shopper

Dear Shopper: You did the right thing. Indeed, you did more than many would have done after discovering an honest mistake. Many people resent the jobs lost to self-checkouts and the way that companies pass the task on to the consumer for no pay. I can’t see how you could have acted more responsibly.

The detective work on the part of the clerk is troubling. It also seems to be an overreaction. It could amount to nothing, but if you want to clear your mind, you may want to stop in and speak to the manager about what happened. If the store is concerned about loss prevention, they should have spoken to you while you were in the store. Taking down your license plate, if that’s what the clerk did, reflects poorly on them. So, ideally, they’d clear the air with you, too.

Dear Eric: I have a sister "Carol" who is also my best friend. Her daughter (my niece) is a complete narcissist and also a con artist. Six months ago, my niece's husband ended up in the hospital with an aortic abruption. After several surgeries, the doctors said he needed a heart

transplant and six weeks ago he got a new heart. He is still not doing well.

A GoFundMe was started for the family, and instead of using it to pay her bills, my niece uses it to party away.

Three years ago, my niece was investigated by our state’s attorney general for "misplacing" and "misappropriating" drugs that she was supposed to give her patients. She needed a $4,000 retainer and my sister paid it. She went to trial and she lost her nursing license. I am the only one who knows this.

Now my niece's mother-in-law is texting my sister saying that it takes a village to raise my niece’s kids and my sister should do more. The mother-in-law is a retired and very wealthy former lawyer. She doesn't know the whole story.

Meanwhile my niece posts things on Facebook about what a devoted mother and wife she is even though she leaves the kids with my sister all the time. Since her husband has been in the hospital my niece has flown to Miami twice, Costa Rica once and goes on her "party weekends" every other weekend. She is also using the GoFundMe for tummy tucks, liposuction and a breast enhancement.

Then she calls my sister and says, "While I am away, can you do the laundry and clean my house?"

I have known the mother-in-law and her husband for more than 40 years. Should I tell the mother-in- law the real story, so she stops putting pressure on my sister? If not, how else can I support my sister?

– Supportive Sister

Dear Supportive: First, ask your sister if she wants you to help by intervening with the mother-in-law. There seems to be a lot of chaos surrounding your niece and the last thing you want to do is get yourself wrapped up in it. You may find that your sister doesn’t want more conversation about all of this.

Ultimately, this is between her and the mother-in-law, so if she wanted to be forthcoming about the challenges she’s having with your niece, she could.

The best way to support her may be to encourage her to set firmer boundaries with her daughter and to seek the appropriate support to keep her grandchildren safe. You can be upfront about this, telling her you’re concerned about her and you think the situation with her daughter is out of hand. This doesn’t have to come across as judgment. But if she’s open to constructive feedback, it might be helpful to be reminded that she doesn’t have to put up with this and, indeed, doing so isn’t the best path to supporting her grandchildren, or her daughter for that matter.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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