Aunt Debates Keeping Neice's Secret
DEAR HARRIETTE: Being an aunt is such a precious role. I love all my nieces and nephews as if they're my own children, and it feels as though my siblings are raising all our children as a "village."
Sometimes my niece confides in me with things that she doesn't want to share with her parents. I appreciate that I can be a voice of reason for her and a listening ear. Most of the time, I maintain her confidence because the things she shares with me don't seem to be too extreme or putting her at risk of harm or anything like that, so I opt not to be a tattletale and share with my sister. Recently, though, she experienced a breakup with a longtime boyfriend and has decided to explore her newfound singlehood in ways that could be concerning. I understand that she's a young adult and may want to let her hair down, but I want her to be careful! This feels like a secret I shouldn't keep from my sister. If it were my daughter, I'd want to know so that I could give her advice. In the same breath, I don't want to break the trust I've built with my niece. What should I do? -- In Confidence
DEAR IN CONFIDENCE: Unless your niece is in danger, you should keep this information between the two of you. It is important for people to have confidants, especially young people. Your ability to listen and provide insight could turn out to be a lifeline for her as she navigates this tender moment in her life. Telling her mother may feel like betrayal to her and could weaken your bond.
As long as she continues to share what's going on in her life, gently coach her to make smart decisions. Remind her that breakups are tough and she should tend to herself and try not to be reckless in the aftermath of this pain.
DEAR HARRIETTE: My friend went away to visit her family and asked me to house-sit for her. I know it was out of place, but I was being a bit nosy, thumbing around, and I ended up reading her journal. I know this sounds bad, but I thought it was a planner when I opened it, but the page I opened to made it clear that it was a personal journal. I closed it immediately, but I couldn't help but read what was on that page. This friend of mine has not had the best track record of being trustworthy or responsible, and people handle her with that kind of precaution. It seems to have weighed on her. The page had the same words written over and over again: "They don't love me because I haven't given them a reason to." My heart nearly broke. I feel awful for snooping but even worse knowing that my friend believes she is not loved. Should I blow my cover and have an honest conversation with her? Or should I just love her a little bit harder going forward and hope that will help reassure her? -- Being Nosy
DEAR BEING NOSY: Do not tell your friend that you read her journal. Instead, be more attentive and thoughtful. Don't overdo it. Just be present in her life. Consistency counts -- a lot.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions toaskharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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