ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Every morning, I pick up my son's neighborhood friend and drive them both to school on my way to work. My son's friend is an exemplary young man -- polite and respectful in all ways except one.

He eats his breakfast in my backseat each morning -- unfortunately, in a way that allows us to hear his chewing and smacking of lips, etc. Worse, the smell of his daily bagel lingers in the car, often all the way to my place of work 25 minutes down the road from the school.

The friend seems to do his best to avoid crumbs or a mess in the car, but inevitably there are occasional leftovers that go beyond the aroma. He never asked my permission to have his daily breakfast during the ride, but I don't think there was any bad intent on his part at all. Rather, he (and by extension, his parents) assumed I would have no issue with him eating in my car.

One morning, when the school year was almost over, I decided on a whim to address the issue (against the wishes of my wife and my son, who both felt it would be too awkward to bring up). I told a white lie, indicating that I had to pick up customers the next day right after the school dropoff, and said, "If you don't mind, go ahead and grab your breakfast before I pick you up tomorrow." I said it in a very polite and friendly way. I am hoping he gets the hint and I won't have to worry about this issue any further.

My son is not-so-secretly grateful I said something, but my wife is angry with me and thinks I am being petty and selfish. But I have always believed that if someone is breaching etiquette, it is totally one's right, or maybe even obligation, to address the issue.

Was I wrong to handle this issue in this way?

GENTLE READER: Let us see first if your approach makes any difference. This young man seems so oblivious that he may not be put off by the vague suggestion that he "grab" his breakfast beforehand. To him, this could mean grabbing it and bringing it into your car, as usual.

As for your wife's objection, Miss Manners will point out that good manners need not mean being bulldozed by others. Politely setting boundaries is warranted, especially when it is also for the benefit of everyone else -- as proven by the gratitude and relief of your son. And your fake customers.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My daughter pushes food onto her fork with her index finger. Is it polite to use your knife for this purpose? Peas, for instance, are hard to eat with just a fork or spoon.

GENTLE READER: How old is your daughter? If she is under 5, Miss Manners will allow her to use a spoon on a non-precedential basis. But older than that, she will have to learn to chase them around with a fork like everybody else.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN