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DEAR MISS MANNERS: A friend of my wife's always calls her using videoconferencing. Always. It's as though she comes into the house uninvited, takes a seat and starts talking.

My wife is from the South, and is reluctant to ask her friend to change. I'm not exactly sure what advice you can give me. Perhaps I'm looking for you to agree that this behavior is rude and intrusive.

GENTLE READER: You have things confused: Miss Manners' job is to help you solve the problem, and your wife's is to sympathize -- assuming you also have some sympathy for her.

But no, the friend is not being rude. The friend is just placing a call, which your wife can either ignore or ask to be voice-only.

The problem is: How does your wife accommodate your entirely reasonable desire not to be seen scowling in the background? One solution would be an explicit agreement that video calls must be either taken to a different room (so that you can stay put) or in one specific room (which might require you to relocate).

Note, then, that this would also apply to any video calls you receive.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I received a wedding invitation with no physical address that required me to scan a QR code to confirm my attendance. I looked up the address and wrote a formal response accepting the invitation.

However, only those who visited the website were able to select their meal. The couple received my correspondence and texted me to find out my meal choice, so everything worked out OK, but I wonder if I caused them extra work by not using their QR code.

Are there new etiquette rules I should be following now in responding to wedding invitations? If so, what are they?

GENTLE READER: Of course it is easier for the hosts to have everything sent to their computer, rather than walk to the mailbox, open a physical letter and manually add a name to the list under "chicken."

It is also easier to get money deposited directly into one's account. Or eschew the whole wedding thing in favor of a marriage license -- and then no one has to interact at all.

But Miss Manners has made it her life's goal to make extra work for herself in the name of civility, rather than succumb to what is easiest. Why would she recommend anyone else do otherwise?

She encourages you to continue inconveniencing your hosts by answering their invitations properly. Who knows? Maybe enough people will follow suit that it becomes the "new" etiquette rule.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: If I get an email that says my life insurance is being terminated for nonpayment, I ought to be able to quickly and urgently reply that it WAS paid and provide the details of the payment. Surely, you should be able to respond to any email sent just to you. I shouldn't have to call a big company and wait on hold for 90 minutes to straighten something out.

That kind of no-reply email must surely be bad manners, or worse.

GENTLE READER: Surely. But what are you suggesting would be worse than bad manners? Not, Miss Manners hopes, bad business, though it is that.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN