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DEAR MISS MANNERS: I know that I should never invite guests to a party and require them to contribute food or money. But how does that work with political fundraising parties?

If my husband runs for office, how can we spread the word without making people (and in particular, our friends) feel that they have to pay?

GENTLE READER: By not inviting them.

What Miss Manners objects to in party invitations is the deception. If you are inviting people to a party, you should not expect them to contribute. But if you are inviting them to a fundraiser, you are expecting them to contribute -- it is right there in the title.

So if you do not want your friends to think that they have to pay at the thing you are inviting them to, where everyone is expected to pay, then you should not invite them in the first place. Because they will definitely feel that they have to pay.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I was at a restaurant, seated with seven others. The wine steward came to our table with a bottle of wine, saying that a gentleman at another table would be honored to present this to me and my friends.

I recognized his name as being a man I had briefly dated in college. I replied that we would be delighted to receive the wine (I don't drink, but all of my tablemates did) and would like to raise our glasses in a toast to him, in thanks for his generosity. The steward poured the wine, then went to the man's table, who stood to receive our toast.

I had never had this experience before and don't remember reading about how to properly receive such a gift. I have wondered if I responded correctly; I've also wondered if he intended this to be an invitation to renew our acquaintance, and how I should have responded if I were agreeable.

GENTLE READER: You responded correctly. If the gentleman wanted to renew the acquaintance, he could have said so -- as could you have done. Miss Manners assures you that everything after thanking him was optional.

But if you are still thinking about it, go get 'em.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My husband is almost bald and we find it incredibly rude when people comment on it. Why is it that people think it is all right to openly joke about a man's hair loss? They would not do so to a woman with hair loss -- it would be incredibly painful and hurtful. But no one seems to feel that it may be the same for men.

If given the choice, most people would choose to keep the hair they had as a youth. Do you have a comeback remark that you could suggest when someone tries to humiliate him about his loss of hair?

GENTLE READER: "What?!" with a frantic pat to the head. "I swear it was all there yesterday!"

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN