ArcaMax

Dear Annie: I am a working mother of two young children, and lately the guilt is eating me alive. I love my job. I worked hard to get where I am. But every morning when I leave the house, my 4-year-old asks why I have to go again, and my heart sinks.

My husband is supportive. We have good childcare. Still, I feel like I am missing the little moments. The slow breakfasts. The preschool pickup stories. The random hugs in the middle of the day. By the time I get home, I am often tired and still checking messages on my phone.

Last week, my daughter drew a picture of our family. My husband was holding her hand. Her little brother was playing with blocks. I was standing off to the side in my work clothes, holding a cellphone. I know she did not mean to hurt me, but I cried in the car after drop-off the next morning.

The hard part is that I do not want to quit. I like my work, and I like using my brain, and I like helping support our family. But I do not want my children to remember me as the mom who was always leaving or looking at her phone.

How do I stop feeling guilty and start feeling present when I am home? -- Torn Between Work and Home

Dear Torn: You are not failing your children by working. You are showing them responsibility, purpose and grit, and that matters.

But the cellphone in the drawing is worth noticing. Not as an indictment, but as a nudge. When you are home, be home. Put the phone away for dinner, bath and bedtime. The office can survive an hour without you.

Remember, it is not only the quantity of time that counts. It is the quality of it. Children remember eye contact. They remember laughter. They remember feeling chosen. They also notice when they have your full attention, even if only for a little while. Being fully present for 20 minutes is often more meaningful than spending hours together while distracted.

Give yourself grace as you make these changes. Parenting is not about getting everything right every day. It is about showing up with love, consistency and a willingness to keep trying.

You do not need to quit your job. You need a clearer line between work time and home time. Children do not need a perfect mother. They need one who looks up from her phone.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.