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Dear Annie: One of my closest friends is getting married overseas next summer, and I am genuinely heartsick over whether to go.

We have been friends for nearly 20 years. We have seen each other through breakups, babies, family losses and all the ordinary ups and downs of life. When she got engaged, I assumed I would be there. I never imagined I would have to weigh our friendship against what attending her wedding would require from my own family.

It is not just the airfare and hotel. There are several days of events, meals, transportation, clothes, a gift and time away from work and home. My husband feels strongly that we should decline, especially because it would mean giving up a trip we had been planning together.

I understand his point, but emotionally I am struggling. I picture my friend walking down the aisle and all of our mutual friends celebrating without me. I worry she will be hurt, and if I am honest, I worry our friendship may never feel quite the same afterward.

At the same time, I resent feeling as though proving my friendship requires getting on a plane and rearranging our finances and plans.

Am I being selfish if I do not go, or foolish if I do? -- Torn Over the Trip

Dear Torn: Your friend is not wrong for wanting you there. After 20 years of friendship, your absence may genuinely hurt, and this is likely one of the most important weekends of her life.

That does not mean you should ignore your husband or strain your family finances. But before saying no, ask yourself which you are more likely to regret: the expense of going, or missing a milestone you can never get back.

If you can make it work without creating real hardship, I would think carefully before declining. Sometimes friendship does ask us to stretch.

Dear Annie: I have been married to my husband for nine years, and I have tried very hard to have a good relationship with my mother-in-law. The problem is that she always seems to find something to criticize.

Last Sunday, we had the family over for dinner. I had spent most of the afternoon cooking, cleaning and setting the table. Everyone was eating and seemed happy when my mother-in-law looked at my husband and said, right in front of me, "You always liked my roast better. I used to make it so tender you didn't even need a knife."

It sounds small, but I wanted to crawl under the table. I had worked hard on that dinner, and it felt less like a comment about roast beef and more like a reminder that, in her eyes, I will never quite measure up.

My husband later told me not to take it personally because "that's just Mom." But I am getting tired of swallowing these little digs to keep the peace.

How do I stand up for myself without turning every family dinner into a battle? -- Losing My Appetite

Dear Losing: Your mother-in-law's criticism says more about her than it does about you. She may genuinely believe she is being helpful and may not realize how hurtful her comments are.

Talk to your husband first. Let him know that you are not asking him to choose sides; you are asking him to help protect the tone in your home and marriage.

And the next time she makes a remark, gently say, "I know you mean well, but comments like that hurt my feelings."

Kindness and boundaries can live in the same sentence. Sometimes people do not know better until someone lovingly tells them.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.