I get so many questions asking some variation of, “This thing happened or is about to happen. Are we doomed?” Some things are doomable offenses, sure. But many can be worked around or dealt with.

Rather than having a catastrophic reaction, it’s important to drill down to the actual topic at hand to see if it’s really so black and white.

Question: First month official and having communication problems. Doomed?

Answer: I don't know.

But I would say the first step is to communicate about your communication problems. In person. A problem to one person is not a problem to another, so l want to make sure you are very clear in your conversation about what you are looking for, what works for you and what doesn't, and a clear path forward.

Clearly you got to the "official" stage, so something was working. I don't want you throwing in the towel yet. I want you to see if this is something you can talk through and work on to build a better, stronger relationship.

Question: He says he doesn't feel a romantic connection, yet in person treats me like a girlfriend. Why!?

Answer: I'm going to be harsh for a second: Because he is bored and you are a place filler... and you are sticking around.

Treating you like a girlfriend to him is better than being by himself. But he has plausible deniability because he has clearly told you that he doesn't feel a romantic connection. (The "yet" is irrelevant.)

My best advice is to cut off all ties. It is not worth it to be treated well by somebody who expresses zero desire to actually make you his girlfriend.

This is no reflection on you, your worth, your value or anything else.

Question: Guy l've been seeing for 3 months "forgot" to show up for a planned dinner. Should I be mad?

Answer: You don't need my permission to feel a certain way, anger or otherwise. Of course you would feel that way if someone forgot to show up to a date.

But I don't know how your relationship has been thus far. Has he been consistent? Did he apologize? Was there a valid reason he forgot? Did he make it up to you in some way? Did he shrug it off?

Now is the time to have a productive conversation with the person you have been seeing about your feelings, not ask me to validate them. But of course I would be upset too.

Question: 2 d8s in, I'm typA, he's intrsted bt I feel l hve to push him 2 mt. 2 early to tell him my nds?

Answer: "Two dates in. I am Type A. He's interested but I feel l have to push him to meet. Is it too early to tell him my needs?" (A little deciphering was needed first.)

I'm guessing when you say Type A in this circumstance, you mean that you are a planner. And he is not planning dates to your standard, most likely in terms of the cadence you would like. Is that right? And then I'm guessing you probably jump in and push him to meet because he hasn't asked you out in the time frame you would prefer.

Before you express your needs, I want to see what he naturally does without you jumping in. If you don't give people a chance to show what they are going to do before jumping in, you'll never know (and become more frustrated).

If he never plans a third date, then you got the information you needed. He wasn't that interested. And if he does, you don't have to make it a thing. But you can say on that third date, “I’m a planner, so if you don't mind, l'd love it if we can we start planning dates a little earlier." Then he either does or doesn't.

I've seen this pattern a lot, so if you feel like it relates to you, feel free to save this one.

Question: They wrote 34 instead of 35 on the app, saying they always do that for security. Still OK?

Answer: I understand that people are looking to me for permission to go out with someone who lied about their age. You don't need my permission.

Also, I will never give it to you.

Do whatever you think is right. But if they are that concerned about "security," they could have changed it by one day, not one year. You know they were just trying to get in under some self-imposed threshold of 35. I find the lie not only disrespectful but also insulting to your intelligence.

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