Another day, another set of dating questions. Have any of these been on your mind lately?

Q: Is it OK to ask for/take a break from the relationship I’m in if I am feeling stressed out by it?

A: If your relationship is making you feel stressed out, taking a break will not get to the bottom of it.

This is really where you have to do some introspection.

--Are you in the right relationship?

--Can you seek solace from your partner?

--Are you letting your partner in on the stress so they can potentially help/adjust versus unintentionally adding to it?

--Are you stressed because of other parts of your life, or does your partner create the stress?

We can't just duck in and out, which is why I don't want you to make any rash decisions. Really think through these questions before doing anything. But most importantly, talk to your partner. And then decide the best course of action: staying or breaking up.

Q: Are there any good questions to ask on a first date to get to know someone’s true conflict style? Avoidants hide in the beginning!

A: It sounds like you were burned by someone avoidant in the past. (We are talking about attachment styles here.) I'm sorry that happened. But we can't interview people on first dates, because the only person you may hurt this time is yourself if you ask premature questions of a stranger to try to "not waste time." You're trying to be a detective or a sleuth, not an observer. I recommend the opposite.

Unless you have a conflict on the first date (and I hope you don't!), you are not going to know somebody's conflict style. There is simply no substitute for getting to know somebody over time.

If somebody shows you later that they are not your style, you do not have to keep dating them.

But attachment styles are not static. One can learn, if they want to, how to have a conflict style that meshes with yours. But for that to happen there needs to be safety. And there simply is not when you don't know each other yet.

Q: We went on one date. We were texting frequently, and now they’ve gone silent. When is the ghosting official?

Q: I get a lot of questions like this. "When can I officially call it ghosting?"

It actually doesn't matter what you call it or when. (I also don't know if you're talking about silence for six hours or silence for a week.)

If you've been having a lot of great texts and had talked about a second date, you could simply ask: "You had mentioned a second date. Is that something you still wanted to do?"

Or you could just let it go. How someone follows up between dates is often much more telling than how they behave on the date. Many people say that they want to do it again while in your presence and then don't follow up. Words and actions have to align.

I don't know what the last text was, whether the exchange came to a natural end or they didn't answer something you asked. Ultimately, at this point, all that really matters is whether you have another date set up or not. And it sounds like you don't.

Q: I reached out to someone I dated years ago wanting closure. I haven't heard back. Thoughts?

A: I have to wonder what the real reason you reached back out is. Because closure would have happened a long time ago, if not from them but from yourself.

Sometimes we have to rely on our own closure when the other person cannot give it to us. I don't know how the relationship ended, but to upend somebody else's life/healing after a breakup years before sounds a little bit self-serving. You won't be hearing back from them. So I recommend looking within and finding the closure you need.

Writing everything out that you want to say and not sending it may help. Sometimes just getting the words out of our head and into existence is what we really need. Hang in there.

Q: How do I know if I’d prefer being single for good?

A: If you live a beautifully content life and feel no lack, then being single is a wonderfully valid choice (one many people are afraid to make).

It takes an immense amount of strength to remain single when society and the rest of the world (and likely family) is telling you that you are doing something wrong… when you know in your heart of hearts you are doing everything right.

But life doesn't have to be so black-and-white, and you don't have to put a moratorium on relationships. There's something extremely satisfying about not looking for anything and yet being open to anything

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