ArcaMax

Dear Eric: My spouse would like to move to the state of Louisiana now that we are nearing retirement. I am a city girl and have no desire at all to move to the South. We have visited the area a few times and the heat, humidity, insects and having to drive 45 minutes to a decent grocery store is a definite no for me.

How do I relay this to my spouse? I love my spouse very much. I can well support myself financially. I do not want a divorce, but I am accustomed to city life, not country mouse. Is there a compromise I can suggest that makes both of us happy?

– City Mouse

Dear City Mouse: Louisiana, and the southern United States in general, have a wide range of areas, from country to suburb, bayou to big city. It’s a big country. So, you may be able to find a compromise within the state or find something that matches both of your preferred lifestyles someplace else.

I’m going to guess that your spouse’s choice of a more rural part of Louisiana isn’t totally random and that there may be some personal connection to it. If your spouse wants to move back home, for instance, substituting another city won’t work as well. But compromise is still possible. It’s just about being clear about what your individual reasons and hopes are.

Make a list together of the aspects you want your retired life to include. Don’t just stop at “city life.” Be specific about what you like about different areas, what you want to do, how you live, what you need in order to live happily and what you want in order to live happily.

For instance, if you want to be close to a grocery store, put that down, but also consider how often you get groceries and if you’re open to other ways of keeping your fridge stocked, like farmer’s markets or delivery. Really think about your whole life. The prospect of retirement can be as wonderful as it is overwhelming. You don’t have to start from scratch, but many people underestimate how useful it is to be intentional about designing this next phase of your life.

You’re not in the planning stage yet. You’re still in R&D. So, after you make your lists, start researching. Again, this doesn’t commit you to anything. It’s simply asking the question, “what else is out there?” You might enlist the help of a travel agent or a realtor, someone with an expansive knowledge of different areas.

Or you can take the wish lists and divide them into different research categories like “climate,” “social opportunities,” “geography,” and then research them individually. This will give you a couple different lists, then you can see if there are any places that keep coming up or that you want to know more about and follow the trail.

Dear Eric: My two older sisters stopped talking to my family and me six years ago. I came from a very close loving Italian family. They didn’t give me any type of closure. I tried to reach out several times to see if they wanted to talk and got no responses. I felt terrible for my elderly parents who are 79 and 76 years old.

I also felt bad for my kids that were so close to my nieces and nephews. Over time, I’ve accepted the loss of them both. I have grieved them. Holidays are lonely. We also don’t see my husband's family because his sisters are very jealous of me and all fight together. They are toxic. How do I comfort my kids on holidays, birthdays, et cetera? My kids are 26, 25 and 19.

– Sad Holidays

Dear Holidays: You have an opportunity to make new traditions and, as your children are adults, you can enlist them in this planning, creating holidays that meet you all where you are and cater to what you all like to do. In short, talk to them about the holidays they want, share with them what you’d like, and then work together.

If you want a full house, perhaps this means they invite friends to spend time with the family at holidays. If home doesn’t feel merry, perhaps you start taking trips on special occasions. Perhaps you become a family that goes out to dinner or to a movie or on a random adventure to celebrate with each other.

And, of course, you, fortunately, still have your parents. So, talk to them about what they want to do to make holidays special. There may still be times that you feel the absence of your sisters. This is hard to avoid. But it’s important to remember that you all have the power to create the experiences that you want to have.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.