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Dear Eric: We recently traveled to a nearby city to visit my mother. While we were there, Mom’s friend Helen stopped by for a visit. We have met Helen before and know her to be a hugger.

My 16-year-old daughter Missy, in order to avoid the inevitable hug, stationed herself on the far side of the dining room table but Helen, not to be denied, rounded the table with arms outstretched.

Missy, at our suggestion, extended her hand for a handshake but Helen moved to sweep her arm away. Missy took a step back and said, “I don’t like to hug.” At this point I stepped in to redirect the conversation and the hugging issue was dropped.

After Helen left, Grandma scolded Missy saying she was rude to not hug Helen. We have always taught Missy that she has bodily autonomy, and she does not have to hug anyone she doesn’t want to. I think Helen is the rude one for forcing her hugs on everyone she meets. Who is right?

We visit often and Helen is sure to stop by for another visit. Missy says the next time Helen is due, she will be absent from the house, a solution to which Grandma is vehemently opposed.

– No Hugs

Dear No Hugs: Missy is right and you’re right to teach her that she doesn’t have to do anything with her body that she doesn’t want to do. Full stop.

Helen and Grandma may see the hugs as innocuous. That’s all well and good. Missy doesn’t feel the same way and a hug is a two-person act.

There are other ways of showing affection, some physical, some not. Helen has other ways for reaching Missy.

This is something that Grandma is going to have to accept. Hugging Helen is so far from a non-negotiable, it doesn’t make sense for her to put her foot down about it. In advance of the next visit, bring it up with her, remind her of the boundary that Missy has set and that you’re supporting her in. Talk it out beforehand and see if you can come to a place of understanding. She may not like it, but respecting Missy’s boundary will make it easier for everyone to have a nice time.

Dear Eric: I've been in 13 situationships. Not intentionally. Thought they were going somewhere.

Nobody seems to have the conversation anymore and if they do they lie about their intentions or change their mind and find someone else later on. Yes, actions speak louder than words and actions do match up and line up with what they say.

I had amazing dates and men seem to know how to lead people on. They're stepping it up and know all the right things to say and do.

Ultimately, they admit they want nothing serious after five-to-10 consistent and unquestionable dates. These are people who say they want a relationship, marriage, and children. Am I forever stuck in situationships?

– Hopeless Romantic

Dear Romantic: Short answer – no. Forever is a long time, and this doesn’t have to be your fate.

Neither you nor I can control nor predict what other people will do and I can’t say with any certainty why these men you’re meeting are leading you on and then falling away. I can say that you’re not alone in this. There are many factors. Socialization or lack thereof; our increasing isolation as people; the gamification of dating apps; the way that dating has become an exercise in marketing, one that convinces you the best “product” is one more swipe away.

You can’t change the whole system, but you do have the power to change your part of it.

If what you’ve been trying isn’t bringing you the results you want, change your methods. Perhaps that means switching from meeting people on apps to meeting them in person or even taking a break. Perhaps that means being a little more guarded in the initial phase of a relationship and taking things intentionally slow to try to determine a partner’s true intentions.

Dear Readers: From time to time, I prepare columns dedicated to a specific theme. In preparation for two upcoming themes, I need your help.

Do you have what you might consider a petty grievance or a tiny problem that, despite its size, you can’t quite fix? I want to hear about it. This isn’t a call for complaints. We’re looking for problems you want to solve.

The second theme I’m calling Cold Case Questions. Is there something from the past, something that seems settled – for better or worse – that you want to take another look at? A friendship that fell to the wayside, a fight that turned into a cold war, a love lost? Again, I’m all ears. Send them to the regular address: eric@askingeric.com.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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