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Dear Eric: My son has been married for 19 years. He has three children. In the beginning stage of his relationship with his spouse, I noticed that she only wanted my son to spend more time with her family. I was being observant in silence.

She recently told me she doesn't want her children around me anymore. She stated I don't come around enough and that's not healthy. She is rude to me and speaks to me disrespectfully. I asked her what did I do to you? She started stuttering, trying to think of an answer. Then she said, I don't know, you don't bother us or ask us for anything.

She treats me like an outside woman but at church she would speak and call me "mother-in-love." How can they treat me this way? I am so hurt and confused.

We live just over two miles away. My son is being controlled and manipulated. I never dreamed of not having a relationship with my son and my grandchildren.

I honor her wishes, I stay away and I don't see my son or grandchildren outside of church. My son is not usually around when she talks to me the way she does. He witnessed her yelling at me one time, and he said to her, " Stop talking to my momma so rough." I was shocked. I think he doesn't call or come by to keep the peace in his home. By the way, I was the one to suggest he marry her after dating for four years. He was very hesitant. I regret that conversation.

Please, help me. What should I do?

– Neglected Momma

Dear Mom: I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. I can’t say for sure what the root of your daughter-in-law’s conflict with you is, but it will be helpful for the whole family if you let her deal with her issues on her own. Instead, focus your energy on getting clarity in your relationship with your son.

This isn’t to spite her. Your relationship with him need not be mediated by her at all. He’s an adult and he can make his own decisions. Talk to him about what you’re experiencing and what you’d like your relationship with him to look like. Ask him if there are things standing in the way of you being closer. Ask him if he knows why his wife is so sour on you.

It’s not up to him to change his wife’s behavior, but if his relationship with you is important to him – and I hope it is – he should be more assertive about it.

Dear Eric: In my social club there is a woman who, for two years now, has deliberately snubbed me and will not even return a hello. At the same time, she effusively greets others near me.

I am well-liked in the club and a club leader. I heard that she feels I am responsible for another woman’s sudden departure. That woman was difficult as well, but I didn’t ask her to leave. There could be some jealousy from them toward me. But we are not in high school, ladies!

I have been taking the high road and not engaging with her other than to be polite, but she’s not polite back. This situation is ruining my good feelings about the club. Should I try to talk to her or ignore her as I have and keep focused on the good member relationships I have?

– Ignored

Dear Ignored: Don’t let her ruin your experience of the club. You’re not going to get along with everyone in every social setting and it’s clear that she and you have some oil-and-water dynamics going on. Even if she’s wrong about her reasons for disliking you, it’s not up to you to correct her. And she doesn’t seem open to feedback from anyone on this matter. So, ignore the snub. If she’s taking up less space in your mind, it’ll free up room for focusing on the relationships that bring you joy and enhance your experience of the club.

Dear Eric: I am a disabled veteran who relies on a caregiver to help me with my daily needs. I’m writing in reference to “Odor of a Friend”, who wrote about a disabled veteran friend who cannot take care of himself and has body odor.

You stated in your reply that this veteran needs help with his daily living needs. Help is available through the Veterans Administration. The program is called the VA Caregiver Support Program. There are several services available to the veteran and their caregiver. If the veteran is unable to care for himself, our Veterans Administration will help him.

– Retired Distinguished Naval Veteran

Dear Veteran: Thank you for your service and for this great resource!

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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