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Dear Eric: I moved to a new city a few years ago because I felt like I needed a change of pace after a job change and a breakup. I’m 32, if that helps. It’s a big city that a lot of people like. I’m not one of those people. I’ve really tried it, but I don’t understand the social rhythms, I’ve struggled to make friends, and I just plain don’t like being here. I spend most of my time (and money) visiting friends back home. I feel like it’s not very adult of me to pick up and leave, but it’s what I want to do. Do I have to stay and make it work?

– Homesick

Dear Homesick: Get those moving boxes ready. It may feel like you’re letting the past version of yourself down by calling it quits, but Past You was doing what you needed in the moment. You were trying something new, but you were also asking yourself a question. Now you’ve got an answer to that question. And Current You doesn’t need the same things. Don’t chastise yourself for changing your mind. Congratulate yourself on learning more about yourself.

Dear Eric: With wedding season coming up, please settle a long-time debate between my husband and myself. I'm OK with giving more money to close family and friends, people we see often socially, or even some family we don't see too often.

But if it's a couple we don't know that well, say a child of coworkers, or people we used to work with and don't see anymore, even children of cousins who couldn't pick us out of a crowd, I'm OK giving less.

He feels we should at least cover what the plate will cost them, but I feel it's not my responsibility to cover that if they get married at "The Plaza" where the cost is out of our budget.

Part of my reasoning too, is some of these weddings don't have food choices for everyone like they used to. I've been to weddings where it was all barbecue, or all Mexican food, and even one that was vegetarian that we actually left early and got something to eat on the way home.

When we got married, the monetary gifts didn't cover the cost of the wedding. I don't think marrying couples should expect their guests to pay for all their choices. Am I a grouch or is my husband too generous?

– Wondering Wedding Guest

Dear Guest: You should let your budget and your relationship to the couple be your guide when it comes to wedding gifts. Giving beyond your means might create a stressful experience or even provoke resentment. Feeling obligated to give more despite not feeling close could do the same. So, I don’t think you’re a grouch, nor do I think your husband is being too generous. It sounds like you’re trying to manage being conscientious guests without feeling overextended.

According to a 2024 study by the wedding website The Knot, the average guest spends $150 on a wedding gift. Now, because this is an average, there’s a range. Presumably that range will be quite large, impacted by the factors mentioned above, as well as a host of other factors.

So, the good news is that there’s no hard and fast rule. And those who are knowledgeable about etiquette have moved away from the “pay for your plate” concept, mostly because guests shouldn’t know how much their meal costs. (Indeed, the barbeque, the Mexican, or the vegetarian all could have come with hefty price tags, depending on the caterer.) Nowadays, a lot of couples will invite guests to contribute money to a set goal, like a honeymoon or a down payment. I like to think about gifts in that context – you’re not paying back a debt; you’re helping the couple move closer to a goal.

Dear Eric: I just read the letter and response from “Worn-Out Brother”), whose senior citizen sibling suffered from alcoholism and needed medical care that his sons weren’t providing. I used to work as a certified nurse assistant in an assisted living facility, so I know how difficult these situations can be. And I'd like to offer some resources.

The Administration for Community Living’s Eldercare Website (eldercare.acl.gov) is the single best resource for those who are aging and need any kind of assistance. You just type in your ZIP code, and it will show your local offices. They can provide care-based needs assessment, find case managers, explain local options and offer help with Medicaid

I hope this helps.

– CNA Who Gets It

Dear CNA: Thank you for this very helpful letter. The website is quite comprehensive. Caregiving can come with so many questions. You’ll be a help to many.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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