New Friend Too Eager To Make Plans
DEAR HARRIETTE: One of my childhood friends and his wife moved to my city about a year ago. While I've known him forever, I've grown much closer to his wife since they relocated. I genuinely enjoy her company, and I know the transition has been harder for her since she doesn't have many friends here yet. That said, I'm starting to feel a little overwhelmed. Recently, I mentioned a DIY home project I was planning, and before I knew it, she invited herself over to help, suggested turning it into a sleepover and even made it into a full "girls' night." Under normal circumstances, I wouldn't mind, but I just hosted out-of-town friends for several days, and I'm still recovering from all the energy that took. I don't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel unwelcome, especially because I know she may be leaning on me for connection right now. At the same time, I need some space and don't want every casual mention to turn into a full-on plan. How can I gently set boundaries without damaging our friendship or making her feel rejected? -- Need Some Space
DEAR NEED SOME SPACE: This is a tough one, but you do need to establish boundaries. First, stop saying everything in your mind to her. You are a lifeline right now, so she is holding on to every word. Next, you will need to say when you want time to yourself. That may include answering a call and telling her you have to talk to her later or maybe not answering every time. Say directly that you need some alone time. Yes, it may hurt her feelings at first. But in order to maintain the relationship, you need to establish boundaries. Otherwise, you may end up blowing up and lose the friendship entirely.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I recently went on a trip to visit my best friend in New York, and I missed a few phone calls from my mom due to being busy. I didn't think anything of it, but apparently it hurt her feelings. I called my dad while I was in New York, and my mom took the phone from him, asking why I have time to call him but not answer her. I attempted explaining to her that I was busy. I tried talking to her then, but she just gave the phone back to my dad. Apparently, she went to the other room and cried. I feel like not answering a few phone calls doesn't warrant that type of reaction. Did I do something wrong? -- Confused Child
DEAR CONFUSED CHILD: Your mom is clearly missing you and has put a lot of pressure on you to be there for her. Call her or send her a note and apologize for missing her calls. Assure her that it wasn't intentional. You were away having a great experience, and time slipped by. Make sure she is OK and doesn't need anything. For whatever reason, your mom is feeling vulnerable. Is that your problem? It shouldn't be, but she is making it partly yours. To help neutralize the situation, remind her of how much you love her and did not ever mean to hurt her feelings.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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