Student Feels Guilty For Moving
DEAR HARRIETTE: I moved states for college in order to attend my dream institution and help turn my dreams into reality. Obviously, moving for college was a massive adjustment for my family and me. I try to talk on the phone every day, but every once in a while, I miss a call due to the stress of school and living in the city. The other day I was on the phone with my father who told me that my mom has been depressed since I've gone to college and that it's my fault for going away. My mom has been extremely supportive of me moving for college and continuously tells me how proud she is of me. My father is also known for starting drama in the family for his own enjoyment. Although I know my mom is proud of me and supports me, I can't help but feel guilty for moving. What do you suggest I do? -- Guilty Student
DEAR GUILTY STUDENT: It is natural for children to grow up and move away from home -- either for college, work or marriage. Yes, it can be stressful and even depressing, especially for parents and children who remain at home. But it is a part of life, and over time your family members will adjust -- including your mother.
What you can do now is to stay in touch with her as best you can. Every day may be unrealistic. Why not establish a weekly call that you honor as best you can? In between agree to speak intermittently. If your mother texts, encourage sending messages that way so that you communicate when it's convenient. Give yourself and your family time. Everyone must adjust. Live your life. You are responsible for yourself.
DEAR HARRIETTE: Do you think it's OK to have different friends for different activities? I'm a college student and one of my closest friends, who I love dearly, is an amazing, funny caring individual, but I can't stand going out with her. Every time we go to the bar or club with our friends, she complains, gets upset and inevitably leaves early and gets mad at us for staying out. I love hanging out with her on the day to day, shopping, running errands and things like that. Do you think it would be problematic for me to express that I don't like going out on the town with her? I don't want to upset her by flat out saying she's a buzzkill on a night out, but I also don't want the fun sucked out of a night out. -- Not a Party Friend
DEAR NOT A PARTY FRIEND: You can absolutely enjoy people in different settings. Don't feel guilty for enjoying this woman in one way but not another. You don't necessarily have to say anything to her about it either. Instead, just invite her to do things that you enjoy together, and do not invite her to the other events. If you see her somewhere, be pleasant, but if she starts acting out, take her aside and encourage her to stop. You can debrief with her at another time and tell her that you have noticed that she doesn't seem to enjoy nightlife. Maybe it's not her thing.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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