Husband Refuses To Interact
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been in conflict with my husband for years. We used to enjoy each other's company, but somewhere down the line that changed. Now I am not interested in the things he likes to watch on YouTube, which he seems to have on 24 hours a day. He couldn't care less about what I like to watch. He is retired now and barely wants to take care of himself. What I hear is: "Why should I shave? I don't have anywhere to go," so he now looks like a bear. He showers only intermittently. He often goes to bed weirdly early. He never wants to do anything. It's like he has given up. I hate this and don't want this to be how the rest of my life goes. How can I get us back on track? -- Derailed
DEAR DERAILED: You can't do anything by yourself. You can do your best to talk to him and let him know you are concerned about him and about your life together. Point out how disconnected you two are now. Tell him things you miss about your relationship and invite him to rekindle some of those interests. Rather than complaining, encourage him to consider going on a date with you or watching a movie together. Don't give up. Try to inspire him to do one thing with you each week. See if that gets him to open up.
DEAR HARRIETTE: It has been almost a year since my mother died. We were close, and I miss her a lot. When I say that to some people, they will sometimes reply, "Yeah, but you were so lucky because you had her for a long time." My mother died when she was well into her 90s. I know how fortunate I was, but that doesn't take away the reality that she's gone. I realize that I can't talk to everyone about this, because some people just don't understand. Then I feel like I'm being selfish in still grieving her. I'm not sure when to say something and when to keep my feelings to myself. What do you recommend? -- Grieving
DEAR GRIEVING: Therapists will tell you that grief has no timeline. Everyone grieves differently, and the emotions can come on in waves. The challenge is knowing who you can confide in when you are feeling emotionally fragile. Not everyone has the capacity to hear you and be empathetic, depending on who they are and what's going on in their life.
You may want to join a grief therapy group. They are offered at houses of worship, at community centers and through professional therapists. Under the covenant of everyone knowing why they are in the room, to address their grief, you can feel at ease to allow yourself to fully feel whatever comes up and talk about it in a safe space. It is important for you to accept that there is nothing wrong with you. The loss of a mother is like no other. You have a lifetime of memories and experiences that may bubble to the surface at different times. Allow that to happen. If you want and need support while doing it, get that help. You can find support online as well, at sites such as betterhelp.com.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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