ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Our family is fortunate to have a beach house. The last couple years, we have allowed our boys, ages 15 and 13, to invite friends for a week to 10 days.

The first year, we didn't expect or ask for money to cover any of the friends' expenses. In one case, the family sent the child with no spending money whatsoever. We covered all of his meals, drinks and entertainment.

That summer, this friend ate us out of house and home. He ordered the most expensive dinner on a menu -- which we allowed once, then nixed his future expensive orders. He ordered appetizers before his dinner at restaurants, and had total disregard for sharing the food at the house. He would eat it all if we didn't monitor or stop him.

This child has been friends with my son since kindergarten, so obviously he feels very comfortable being one of the family. However, he made me incredibly frustrated with his attitude of entitlement.

Upon returning home, I mentioned his impressive eating habits to his mother; she blushed and agreed that he eats a lot.

GENTLE READER: If your hospitality is to continue, Miss Manners suggests you set some rules -- for both the parents and the children.

When you issue the invitation, tell the parents, "We would love to have Spencer join us for the week, but he will need some spending money. You may also want to send him with the snacks he prefers, since we may not have enough supplies on hand."

Once on vacation, tell Spencer the rule that if he is to act like one of the family, with all the advantages that entails, he must also take on the responsibilities. Treat him as you would your own children: expecting him to help with clean-up, limiting expensive treats, adhering to family rules and curfews, etc.

You will be doing the boy a favor, and his parents as well. Surely, even with contributing to vacation expenses, it will be less expensive than having him home -- and bored -- for a week.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: Is it proper to send out children's birthday party invitations with requests NOT to buy certain gifts? I received an invitation that stated, "no Barbies, please."

I would not have bought one anyway, as I would have assumed a 6- or 7-year-old girl would have some already. What are your thoughts on this?

GENTLE READER: Solicitations, recommendations or restrictions for presents should never be stated explicitly, and certainly not in invitations. Friends and relatives can be put to use, however, making suggestions when asked.

If this host had an aversion to the doll, she could have spread the word to her intimates, who would then galvanize to tell the other guests. But it does make Miss Manners wonder what happened to inspire the rule, and what could be said to convey it.

She imagines something like, "I guess Kennedy has thousands of them, and she keeps dismembering them and leaving the parts in unexpected places. Her mom is at her wits' end."

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN