ArcaMax

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I work around machinery that features rotating plastic molds. While not common, the molds occasionally catch on a person's clothing and damage the zipper of one's pants. When that occurs, it is impossible to rezip the pants and the person has to replace the zipper when they get home.

If I happen to spot one of my co-workers with an open fly, do I subtly direct their attention to it, in case it is just unzipped? This risks embarrassing them if it is damaged and there is nothing that can be done about it. Or do I say nothing, which risks them getting more embarrassed later, when they realize they have been working all day with their fly down?

GENTLE READER: Does anyone in such cases -- whether the zipper is broken or merely unruly -- really decide that the best course of action is to walk around the rest of the day hoping no one will notice?

Surely not. There are such things as safety pins, and bathrooms where they can be applied without risking more than psychological damage.

Miss Manners therefore recommends issuing the warning, after giving consideration to such delicacies as gender, familiarity, rank and any nearby sharp objects.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: One of the rules my daughter has for her wedding -- in her opinion, to prevent chaos and trouble -- is that if a person wants to bring a plus-one, they have to have been together for at least a year. Plus, she wants to meet the guest first, preferably over lunch or dinner.

Her mother and I are recently divorced, but we still get along (better than when we were married). Her sister is single, and her brother is bringing his husband of two years.

My daughter has implemented this rule on all guests, including close family. My girlfriend of several months, therefore, cannot attend, nor can my ex's boyfriend.

The bride's siblings (my son and other daughter) think that their mom and I should each be allowed to bring our respective dates. All of us are 50-plus, and we feel we can behave for the evening. After all, this is about the bride and groom, not us.

What are your thoughts?

GENTLE READER: We can agree that etiquette rules are meant to prevent trouble. But your daughter's rule, in addition to being arbitrary, fails to meet that basic goal.

She is hoping, understandably, to guard against strangers coming as casual dates, but is she really going to exclude someone's lawful spouse because the wedding was too recent? Or because the meet-and-greet lunch fell through? And even if we establish a rule for third cousin Oswald, whom no one likes anyway, Miss Manners fails to see the sense in applying it to the partners of the bride's parents or siblings.

Given that everyone else is keeping their heads, perhaps you and your ex-wife can approach your daughter together. Ask for special dispensation for the partners of all the immediate family members because you know it would mean so much to everyone to be there. Plus, you promise not to tell the other guests you are getting special treatment.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, gentlereader@missmanners.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)

Copyright 2026 Judith Martin

COPYRIGHT 2026 JUDITH MARTIN