ArcaMax

Dear Annie: My next-door neighbor recently cut down several beautiful old trees along our shared property line. These were not little saplings. They were tall, graceful, historic-looking trees that had been there long before either of us bought our homes.

They gave our street character. They shaded our yard in the summer. Birds nested there. In the fall, they were gorgeous. Now the view from my kitchen window is a raw stump, a fence and the side of my neighbor's house.

I know the trees were technically on his property, and I understand that people have the right to make decisions about their own land. But I am heartsick. It feels like something irreplaceable was taken away overnight. I am also angry because he never mentioned it to us beforehand, even though the trees affected both properties.

My husband says I need to let it go because there is nothing we can do now. But every time I look outside, I feel sad all over again. I do not want to start a war with the neighbor, but I also do not know how to get past the loss.

How do you make peace with a neighbor's decision when it changes the place you love? -- Missing the Trees

Dear Missing the Trees: Anyone who has loved an old tree understands your grief. A mature tree provides much more than just landscaping. It can offer protection, shade and a place for squirrels and birds to hang out. When it disappears one day without warning, the loss can feel shocking.

Your husband is right that there's nothing you can do to put the trees back, but that does not mean your sadness is silly. You are mourning a piece of your daily landscape. Give yourself a little time to feel that.

Then do two things. First, resist the urge to let your strong feelings of grief to fuel a neighborhood feud. Your neighbor may have had reasons to cut down the trees that you do not know. The trees may have been diseased, damaging pipes, threatening the house or simply part of a plan you dislike. You can be disappointed without declaring him a villain.

Second, take back what you can control. Plant something beautiful on your side. Talk to an arborist or local nursery about fast-growing trees, native shrubs or layered plantings that will bring back shade, privacy and birds. It will not be the same as the old landscaping, but it can become something lovely in its own right.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.