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A Season of Distance, Not Goodbye

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: I am an 86-year-old mother of three children, a grandmother of six and great-grandmother of eight. We have always had a great relationship with our children.

Our youngest daughter, who has always been close to us, went through a stressful divorce. Her husband had an affair, and she divorced him. She always came home every few months, or we went to see her. In the past few years, she has only come home twice a year, only for a day or so at a time. I am no longer driving, so going to visit her is not an option. She calls almost every day. She says there is nothing wrong. But she only lives three hours away, so I don't understand why she doesn't visit more. Do you think this is the norm? I have always been there for all of my children, and I feel cast aside by her. Please give me your opinion. -- Bewildered

Dear Bewildered: A daily phone call isn't what someone does when she's pulling away. After a divorce like hers, free days can get swallowed by work, the kids and rebuilding a life alone. Plus, three hours each way doesn't leave much time to spare.

Still, if this isn't what you're used to, it can feel like a loss instead of a season. You can tell her that you miss her, and a longer visit would mean more than another quick one. But trust that if she needs your help, she'll ask for it.

Dear Annie: I have been with my boyfriend for four years, and I hope to be engaged to him soon. It's something we've both talked about, and we've agreed that we're ready. Recently, our parents met for the first time. They both live out of state, so it took quite a bit of planning to make that happen, but it was important to us both.

 

I don't need them to be best friends, but I was hoping it would go better than it did. Our dads ended up in a heated political debate, which ended with my dad taking a walk around the block to cool off. Annie, I'm so embarrassed. I knew they had their differences, but I had no idea it would go this poorly. My boyfriend and I are fine, but there's a lingering awkwardness. -- Embarrassed Bride-to-Be

Dear Embarrassed: The awkwardness is understandable, but it will fade. Call your dad and tell him plainly how much this relationship means to you, and ask him to leave politics out of it next time. He's likely already replaying the afternoon himself. Your boyfriend can have the same talk with his father. Two men don't need to agree on foreign policy to manage a wedding toast.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

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