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Seeking Support During Separation

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: I have read your column for a long time now, and I always find that you give good advice and wisdom. I've been married for seven years and just recently became separated because my husband would rather be a playboy than a stable and reliable man.

I stood by this abusive and controlling man for years and lost all family and friends because of him. I was madly in love, which turned into sorrow and shame, and I was always asking myself, "Why does my husband have to cheat on me all the time? What's wrong with me? Why was he doing this and destroying my heart?" For years, all of my questions have been, "Why me?"

In the beginning, my friends and family would tell me he was no good for me, and I never listened, even though he cheated and never changed. I've always tried to work on our relationship, but it always turned into an argument, and it was always my fault. I want to know, is there really anyone good out there?

Are there any support groups for abused women who have trust issues and are dealing with abuse in all the categories?

I'm broken and depressed and stressed out to the max, and I have been ever since I found him cheating the first time, and yes, I don't know why I didn't stay away. I don't.

I loved him, but he didn't love me. Now I'm back home with family to mend the relationship that we lost because of him. When I was with him, I was never able to contact anyone or tell them because I was being controlled on what to do and where to go. If I didn't tell him, he claimed I was the one cheating. It's just not fair that another human being can be this evil. Is there light at the end of the tunnel? -- Hopeless, Betrayed and Brokenhearted

 

Dear Brokenhearted: Yes, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Please know that you are not alone and there are many men and women who have been victims of a narcissistic relationship, and they have come out of them on the other side stronger. But part of getting stronger is saying goodbye to your marriage, grieving it and moving on WITH support. You are not meant to do this alone.

Go to https://narcissistabusesupport.com/narcissist-abuse-support-groups/. It shows a variety of support groups, and some are online with other survivors. Although you feel brokenhearted, the fact that you wrote this letter shows that you will mend. There is nothing wrong with you other than the fact that you just forgot for a while how special you are. You deserve to be with someone who knows that and promotes it in you.

Don't try to understand WHY he did what he did. Instead, try to understand why you stayed for so long and the root of your depression. Seek the help of a professional counselor as well as support groups. Best of luck to you.

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"How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?" is out now! Annie Lane's second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.

 

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