For years, I’ve worked with clients who come to me saying the same thing: “I just can’t find the right person.” When I dig a little deeper, a common theme appears — they’re clinging to a very specific idea of who their “type” is. (It often starts with a physical attribute, but it goes beyond that.) Here’s the kicker: That type is often the exact reason they’re single. If you’re able to rethink your approach to dating a bit and question your patterns, it might open doors you didn’t know existed.

I watch my clients use dating apps all the time, swiping left (as in, not interested) or clicking the “X” with reckless abandon. How many times have you looked at someone’s profile and thought, “Nah, they’re just not my type”? It’s OK to have preferences or things you’re attracted to (or not attracted to), but when those preferences become hard-and-fast rules, you could be closing yourself off to incredible possibilities.

One client in LA swore up and down that she wasn’t interested in men who were shorter than 5-foot-11. (I’ll later address height “requirements.”) I challenged her to let go of that limitation for just one date. Not a lifetime necessarily, but one date. She ended up meeting Bryce, who was “only” 5-foot-9 (the average male height in the United States). After the date, she said, “I’ll admit, I probably would have swiped left purely because of height (I know, toxic!), but I’m really happy I went. He has a very calming energy, and we felt immediately comfortable. His dog is adorable, and he seems to be at a very stable point in his life, which is very attractive. We discussed the game Crossplay, and he downloaded the app on his phone and invited me to play him virtually last night—super cute. He’s very kind and secure, which is attractive.”

When we set arbitrary rules based on height, hobbies, job types or even hairstyle (on more than one occasion, someone has said to me, “Their hair is too long/short,” or “I don’t like facial hair”), we’re limiting ourselves more than we realize. Razors exist, but more importantly, so does personal style, which you might end up loving.

In the wise words of our favorite (or shall I say favourite?) TV soccer coach Ted Lasso, “All people are different people.” It’s such a simple yet poignant phrase. Every person you meet brings their own unique history, quirks and perspective. Just because one person with a certain job, hobby, personality or physical trait didn’t work for you, that doesn’t mean the next one won’t.

Too often, we generalize on “type.” We lump people into categories based on past experiences, forgetting that each individual deserves their own chance to shine . . . just as you do.

One of my favorite success stories involves a client named Nancy who had a “no lawyers” rule, which could be considered a “type” in its own way. She had dated a lawyer before, and it hadn’t ended well. After some nudging, she agreed to meet one . . . and now they’re married. It’s not that lawyers are inherently good or bad partners—it’s that she finally allowed herself to see beyond a single past experience.

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC