ArcaMax

Dear Eric: Recently I was dumped by my fiancée after dating for two years (no great loss according to my mother and friends). I noticed at work a young girl,18, just graduated from high school, who is cute and seems very nice. I am thinking of dating her, but my friends said she is too young – five years – and, as I have a four-year college degree, there is too much of an age and education gap to have much in common.

Their advice is if I want to date her, fine, but also date older women, too, preferably with a degree. The concern is that I would get emotionally involved with this girl too soon after being dumped. In other words, don't get locked in yet. What do you think?

– Dating Do or Don’t

Dear Dating: Without making too much of your word choice, it’s helpful to look at the way you described this person: a young girl. Now, she’s legally an adult and only five years younger than you, but it seems in your mind she’s in a different category. I suggest listening to that part of your mind and keeping this relationship casual for the time being.

Differences in ages between adults aren’t inherently problematic, but one’s experiences in life can change dramatically between 18 and 23. Moreover, since you’re coming off of a two-year relationship that was intended for marriage, it’s healthy to give yourself time to process, reassess and grow. Otherwise, you risk rebounding into something that isn’t set up for success because it’s too weighed down by the vestiges of your last partnership.

Use this time to get to know yourself again and to give yourself time to get to know this coworker and others without pressure. There’s no rush.

Dear Eric: In the last five years, my father, youngest brother, and mother have all died. I have two living brothers left – one older, one younger. My oldest brother has begun to be civil to me after a lifetime of bullying, and he and I have a careful relationship.

My youngest brother and I have comparable values, but have never found an ease in each other's company, but have been attempting to connect and trust each other in recent months.

Recently, I caused some offense to the youngest brother (I think by prioritizing time with one brother's widow, from whom my youngest brother is also estranged for various reasons). Afterward I reached out to spend time together and he said no, thank you.

He insinuated he "just needed a little space" but I see him quarterly at most, and I reiterated I was available to hear about his feelings if he was willing to be open with me about them, but he does not want to do that.

I have never had somebody find my presence so painful or unpleasant that they have refused to spend time with me. My life is full but my family situation growing up was a painful one, and I worry that it says something about me, personally, that my sibling relationships are all so fraught.

I am sort of heartbroken about this. Is there something I should do about this, aside from cry my little tears, and then go about the work of my own life, and let him come find me in weeks or years when he's ready? Put my focus where my presence is needed, and not with somebody who does not want my love?

– Solo Sibling

Dear Sibling: I’m so sorry for the losses you’ve experienced and for the conflicts in your relationships that are causing you so much pain. Relationships are two-way streets and it sounds like you’re doing the work to meet your brother in the middle, but something is standing in his way.

When you’ve done everything you can to make amends, to build a bridge, and to keep open clear lines of communication and someone refuses to engage, it can’t just be about you. This isn’t a statement about fault. This is simply to say that he has something to work through, and you have something to work through and, right now, he can’t work through it together.

The losses you’ve experienced, the grief that you’re both navigating, and your painful family history are all contributing to this conflict in the present. Don’t blame yourself for those. Give yourself extra grace and care. You may want to talk with a therapist about the relationship with your brother and what you wish it was. You’re likely experiencing grief about this distance, too, and it will be helpful to process it.

I can’t say what’s going on inside of him, but surely his grief is impacting his thinking, too. So, try to extend grace to him. Doing so may make this separation hurt a little less.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

©2026 Tribune Content Agency, LLC.