ArcaMax

Dear Eric: I am a 64-year-old male with nipples that seem to stand at attention practically all the time. While my girlfriend doesn't seem to have a problem with it, per se, she makes light of it quite often, and I am starting to feel a tad on the freakish side.

"How are Pikes Peak and Mt. McKinley today?" is one example of the daily jibes. I have never thought much of it but am now starting to wonder about the causes and any possible solutions. I am too embarrassed to ask my doctor about it.

Can you please advise: 1) any suggestions for tamping down Peak and McKinley. 2) How best to respond to my joke-a-minute girlfriend when she starts up with the nipple jokes. I don't want to be oversensitive.

– Twin Peaks

Dear Peaks: You might look into the tape that runners often use to prevent chafing. This is different from regular tape in that the adhesive is formulated to be kinder to sensitive skin. Tape is a temporary solution, of course, but might relieve some of the momentary discomfort you feel so that you can focus on other parts of the situation that are bothering you.

It’s worth your time to talk to a medical professional that you trust about this. Your doctor has surely seen and heard everything. This isn’t something about which you should feel ashamed – it’s something that’s just happening on your body. You’re not doing anything to make it happen and even if you were, a good doctor isn’t going to judge you or chastise you. If you don’t feel you can bring it up to your doctor, consider talking with someone you don’t know at urgent care, for instance. But also consider changing doctors to someone you trust.

As to your girlfriend: sometimes comments that start out as innocent, even well-received, jokes can chafe as much as, well, a shirt on a long-distance runner. And just like the runner would do, you can and should make adjustments to get comfortable.

In this case, that means telling your girlfriend, “I know you don’t mean anything by it, but would you stop making light of my nipples?” You don’t need to explain yourself further if you don’t want to. Hopefully, she’ll hear what you’re asking and make the change. It’s not overly sensitive; it’s good communication.

Dear Eric: I’ve been volunteering as a tour guide at a small historic site for about two years. The site is one of a handful managed by a city department. While most of us volunteers are seniors, the staff is much younger. But they’ve always been friendly and welcoming. I tend to get good feedback on my tours and enjoy it, but museum hours are limited.

Recently, a much larger site, managed by a state organization, advertised for volunteers.

However, I’m finding the atmosphere to be not all that friendly. First off, two of the guides I shadowed were a little cool, even though it only amounted to an extra person on their tours.

Since then, I’ve worked with a couple of people whom I knew from the other site where I volunteer, who are friendly, but shift supervisors, who work the counter, often converse with older volunteers they know and ignore me.

I should emphasize that I’m not a sensitive person looking for slights. My attitude, when adults behave like middle-schoolers, is to take the high road and ignore it. My enjoyment comes in giving tours. That said, the site is desperate for volunteers. It’s not unusual for managerial staff to have to fill open shifts. I’ve also been told that many people train but never come back. I’m toying with whether I should make managerial staff aware of what I’ve noticed, since it might be the key to their problem. Or should I just mind my business, run my tours and go home?

– Disillusioned Volunteer

Dear Volunteer: It may be helpful to split the difference here. If you enjoy giving the tours at the state-run site, consider focusing on that for a bit and stay out of office politics. By showing up consistently, you may find that the formerly frosty staff will start to thaw and that could be your opportunity to see if they’re open to some feedback.

There’s no reason for anyone to give you the cold shoulder, especially as a volunteer, but it is possible that since they’re used to people training and not coming back, they’re making unfair assumptions about you and whether you’ll stay. This behavior becomes something of a self-fulfilling prophecy – if they’re rude to new people because they don’t expect new people to stay, well, of course the new people won’t stay.

But if you enjoy your main task, don’t let their behavior rob you of that opportunity.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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