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Dear Eric: I am one of six cousins in a family that has been relatively close over the years as we share birthdays, weddings and holidays together quite frequently. There's another cousin who is part of the "other side" of the family that is not only ultra rich (billionaire) but has mostly kept her distance from the rest of us over the years.

This other cousin is now in her mid-70s and has always enjoyed a very luxurious life due to the business success of her father – my uncle – and our grandfather. I respect her hard work in their family's business but have always been amazed how they never really shared any of their wealth to help out the rest of the family.

My father passed unexpectedly at 46 and my mother raised three of us on her own working an office job. We never went hungry but looking back, I'm shocked my uncle didn't help her much at all.

I would now like to contact my cousin who I haven't seen in more than 20 years and see if she'd consider setting up a trust for my three children and the children of my other cousins. I realize I have no rights to this money but would like my children to get some help as they grow their families. My other cousins think I'm wasting my time asking but I figure it can't hurt to ask. What is the best way to go about approaching my cousin with this request?

– Family Generosity

Dear Family: It’s an audacious ask, sure, but you’re right that it probably can’t hurt since the worst she can say is no and it doesn’t seem you have contact with her otherwise. But consider approaching your cousin as you would a stranger or a charitable organization. Make your case, even if the case is simply, “I am trying every avenue in hopes of helping my children have better futures.”

Presenting this ask as part of a familial obligation doesn’t quite sit right. There is residual hurt and confusion about why your uncle didn’t help your family, and you likely have similar feelings about why the cousin hasn’t volunteered any of her riches. But try to put that aside, if you can. You’re not going to get far by suggesting that she owes the family.

Relationships are two-way streets. It’s sad for both sides that she hasn’t been involved with the family. If you’re going to ask for money, think about what kind of relationship you want to offer her. Otherwise, she’ll likely feel that she’s just being used as an ATM.

Dear Eric: I move often (roughly every three-and-a-half years on average). I always introduce myself to my new neighbors and often exchange numbers with them. This comes in handy because some of us have elderly parents, we almost all have pets and sometimes the unexpected happens.

Most recently I tried exchanging numbers with my very friendly next-door neighbor whom I've been living next to for two years. I had my other next-door neighbor's number but not his. I left a note in his mailbox with mine and my husband's number saying we should have each other's contact info in case of an emergency.

Next time I saw him I asked if he received my note, but he seemed very flustered and said, "I'm really busy right now!" I said, "OK, just call or text me whenever." He never contacted me.

Now, this previously very friendly guy completely avoids me, doesn't look at me, doesn't say "hi,” and if he notices I'm outside it seems he goes back inside and waits for me to go away before he comes back out. I've literally never had this experience with anyone. What is going on?

– Perplexed Neighbor

Dear Neighbor: I can’t say for sure, but it’s possible he might have misconstrued your intentions. That doesn’t seem like any fault of yours, but it could have changed things for him. He also might be uncomfortable giving out his personal information and equally uncomfortable communicating his boundary. Or he may not want to be involved in someone else’s emergency, should it arise. (This does put him at a disadvantage should he need assistance, but that’s his choice.)

If you want to try to mend fences, the best recourse might be another note. (I know, another note could make an awkward situation more awkward. But hopefully it clears the air.) You could write, “I worry I’ve offended you by asking to exchange numbers. I meant no disrespect. We do it often with neighbors but it’s not a requirement. I’d love to go back to being able to greet each other. Feel free to disregard the last request.”

That said, if you anticipate moving again anyway, as is your cadence, you may just want to let it be.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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