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Dear Eric: Our high school group of friends gather once a week. One person constantly has a story to tell about her, her children, her cooking skills, everything she has done and, of course, surpasses anything the rest of us are capable of.

One lady was telling us about a dish she made for her family. This person said she makes the dish with a superior cut of beef and has served it to more than 100 people. It's always one-upmanship.

It doesn't matter what any of us mention, she's done it and she has done it better. Anything we talk about, she has a better way. She brags and brags.

And if anyone new enters the group, we hear all her grandiose stories over again. Her children are perfect and she gushes when she talks of them. I've met one of them and felt that her child was condescending and has a superiority complex.

She is a bore and is ruining our get-togethers. She is so full of herself that she is incapable of understanding the body language and/or facial expressions of the rest of us when we've had enough and sit and stare into space or give a look to one another. What do we do?

– Fed Up and Bored

Dear Fed Up: If the whole group is fed up, you can ask her to leave. It’s not an especially pleasant option, particularly for people who have been friends since high school. But from your description, it sounds like this isn’t working for anyone anymore.

Short of that, you can have a one-on-one conversation with her and express your concerns about conversation hogging. Or you can establish a group time limit for sharing. But it really sounds like the personalities aren’t matching up anymore and you all might be best going your separate ways.

Dear Eric: In her last year of college, my now-37-year-old daughter abruptly came out as a lesbian. She later married a woman.

I reacted very badly to her coming out, which surprised the hell out of me. I ranted for hours and have since apologized many times.

Things settled and I was more comfortable with their arrangement, but also how well suited and happy they were.

They had two babies via in vitro fertilization (IVF) using the partner’s eggs. My daughter has some mild learning disabilities, but I don’t know if this was the reason they decided that the partner should be the bio mom.

One evening at dinner, I made some mild comments, I thought, about genetics (in which I’m trained) and the marvels of IVF.

This greatly upset them and when we returned to their house, the partner suddenly erupted in rage.

In the morning, I had intended to talk to the partner calmly. Instead, it rapidly devolved into a scream-fest.

Since then, I have done a lot toward easing the situation, including apologizing to both, and even once writing to the partner expressing my remorse. She did not reply. I still talk to my daughter weekly over Zoom.

Lately, I find myself feeling increasingly resentful toward both. My daughter’s learning disabilities required extensive intervention. I sacrificed large chunks of my career in this effort, which I didn’t mind until recently. It was very hard on me and I did become depressed.

My husband and I have been in counseling for three years. I was initially the identified troublemaker – which I pointed out angrily many times. Finally, both the counselor and my husband mostly understood how I was feeling.

I don’t feel good about the situation. I’m not sure what to do going forward.

– Wants No Trouble

Dear Wants: I wonder how much is being heard but not said on all sides of this situation. The eruptions – yours, the partner’s – suggest that there’s a lot that’s been simmering underneath your interactions. So, something like the IVF comment feels loaded. And, in turn, your unresolved feelings about how hard you worked to raise your daughter curdle into resentment.

It will be helpful for you to do the work to stop conflating the sacrifices you made to raise your daughter with the choices she’s made as an adult, even if they’re not choices you would make. Consider seeing a counselor individually to do this, ideally someone who is less interested in applying the “troublemaker” label and more adept at helping you identify what’s on your side of the street.

Work toward having an open conversation – or a series of conversations – with your daughter about the nature of your relationship. In it, you can share what you wish your relationship was like and ask her questions about how she feels and what she needs. You both may hear hard truths, but by speaking them aloud, you gain the ability to make amends and make something new.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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