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Dear Eric: My sister-in-law is 75, divorced and has a useless 40-something son. He has never held a steady job. When he does get a job, he finds some excuse to quit or else says he got injured. He then comes home and eats and drinks to his heart's content. Then he will convince her he has an opportunity, so she gives him some money, and he disappears for a while until the money runs out.

There is no evidence of physical abuse yet but plenty of yelling and telling her she's a bad mom to manipulate her into giving him money. She has enough resources to support herself but not enough to support two people.

He currently is listed as power of attorney for health and finances on her trust but that needs to stop. She needs an outside person to take that position as she is afraid to tell the lout no.

She has never disciplined the boy and is not that great with money herself. What kind of person or firm should she hire to protect her finances from this man/boy? No one in the family wishes to deal with him either.

– Concerned

Dear Concerned: If she wants to remove him as power of attorney, she needs to talk to her attorney, but it seems that part of the issue is that she’s not motivated or empowered to set a boundary with her son. To get her the help she needs, reach out to Adult Protective Services, a government agency that is usually associated with your state’s department of health or aging. They can investigate and they’ll protect the identity of the person who contacted them. It’s possible that there is emotional abuse or financial abuse happening here, both of which many seniors are in danger of and may not realize they’re experiencing.

In addition to involving a social service agency, if possible, please reach out to her directly about your concerns. It will help to have another perspective and a listening ear. She needs to know that she’s not alone and there are other options.

Dear Eric: About 10 years ago my aunt died and left her estate to my mother, myself and my three siblings. She was not married and had no children.

My mother received the bulk of the estate. Each of us children received the earnings of some stock and mutual funds.

Although I believe we all saw how much was given to each of us, there was never a big discussion or presentation about the distribution of the money, and I believe that we four kids were pretty united in feeling grateful that she left us anything.

However, my portion ended up significantly higher than my siblings due to the stock and mutual fund that were assigned to me doing very well. I do not remember exactly how much more I got than them. Several thousand dollars?

My mom was very upset that the inheritance was not divided up equally and asked me several times why my portion would be so much larger. I did not know, and think it was probably unintentional. However, I was the only one in my generation to make an effort to visit and get to know this out-of-state aunt, so it's possible that she intended to give it to me.

At one point my mom called me and said that I should divide up the excess amount of money that I had been given and share it with my siblings. I thought it was an odd request since none of us had gotten exactly the same gift. Perhaps my mom felt I could make everything even by giving a different amount to each sibling?

She asked me to call my siblings and talk to them about it, which I did. In my recollection now, none of them seemed concerned. We have continued to have good relationships over the past 10 years.

Did I do something wrong because I did not give some of my inheritance to my siblings so that we would each inherit the same amount? A recent letter that you addressed made me wonder.

Should I bring up the inheritance of 10 years ago and try to even things out now? None of my siblings has ever mentioned it to me.

– Fair Share

Dear Fair: I think you did everything right. You can’t control the stock markets, nor could you control what your aunt chose to give. But you went the extra step of reaching out to your siblings and talking the matter through. This is how you avoid resentment and confusion. Inheritance often tears families apart and much of that conflict is rooted in poor communication. You’re in the clear and you have a decade of continued good family relationships to show for it.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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