ArcaMax

Dear Heartsick: It isn’t necessarily wrong to try to discuss this issue with your son, but if you do, you should prepare yourself for a wide range of reactions from him – from possible relief to rejection.

You should closely examine all of your motives for wanting to determine his DNA.

This sort of DNA revelation can be extremely destabilizing, not only for an individual, but for the entire family system – including his relationship with his mother and his three brothers.

I always advocate for an individual’s right to know the truth about their DNA, but for your son, having this question imposed upon him by a parent – versus his choice to investigate on his own – could be very tough for him. (And – if you make this allegation and you two are proven to be biologically related, what then?)

I suggest that you have your own DNA tested. See where that effort takes you. If your adult sons have already had their own DNA tested, your family connection (or lack of connection) might be revealed through the testing database.

Dear Amy: My boyfriend just proposed to me. I joyfully accepted, and then four hours later I found out that my grandmother died.

It was unexpected and painful.

I am having a hard time feeling the joy I think I am supposed to be feeling right now.

Because of the upcoming funeral, my fiance and I will get to see family members that I have not seen in a while, and I don't know if this is the time to tell them of our engagement, though I imagine some may notice my ring.

I feel guilty when I feel any amount of happiness about being engaged because of the grief I still feel from losing my grandmother. And I worry about sharing the news.

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