ArcaMax

If they are trauma vampires, then definitely back away. But some of the people in your life who have been taking from you might be grateful to be offered the opportunity to give back. You will never know their capabilities until you reveal your own vulnerability.

Any statement you make should be clear and concise – and you should be prepared to repeat it.

Something like: “I’m going through some difficult stuff right now and I need some privacy while I work things out. I’ll get in touch down the road. I appreciate your patience.”

People – even people who care very much about you – will be uncomfortable with this, because if you change your way of relating to them, then they might have to change.

I hope you are lucky enough to have at least one person in your life who doesn’t expect you to be Merry Sunshine.

My hope for you would be to recognize that exposing your own broken places – even if only to yourself – can lead to a liberating reveal: It’s OK to put your smile in your pocket for a while, as you access your own messy humanity.

You should also seek professional counseling. A good therapist will offer validation and support, as you experience what life is like without putting on a brave face.

Dear Amy: "Stella" and I have been friends for more than 25 years.

We were both pregnant with our first children when we met, and since then have been through the ups and downs of marriage and motherhood together.

One of the things that bonded us at the beginning of our relationship was that we both experienced very traumatic childhoods.

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