ArcaMax

Yes, your children can be a link to life outside parenthood. But how?

--At their religious school, be part of the services. Join the ladies auxiliary. Volunteer to host a meeting of the parents at your home. (Put those singles nights on hold for a while; taking part in your children's lives is much more gratifying.) Your kids will be proud of their mom, I promise. And they won't forget; these are bonds that last a lifetime.

--At preschool, ask whether you can help out. Take a long, early lunch; you'll be out of your office for maybe two hours, but what a difference it will make -- for everyone involved! And if you have the time, volunteer to be a teacher's helper once a month or so. Your children will realize you care about more than just what they're learning, because you're taking the time to meet their teachers and friends -- to see for yourself their world outside the home.

--Socialize with the parents of your children's classmates. Ask them over to the house for an informal coffee-and. There'll be lots to talk about, and you'll have the possibility of becoming friends with parents who share your major issues.

--Talk to the principal at your children's school about hosting a tea, brunch or after-school get-together for the teachers. They are humans, after all, and will welcome getting to know a parent as a fellow humanoid.

--Be an activist parent. Donate time for a cookie sale or a class play. Become known at school for being a discreet helper (and not a buttinsky). Your children will find another reason to admire you. (By the way, kids trust actions much more than pretty words. Ahem.)

--Join a church group for the separated, divorced and widowed, adding spirituality to the links you're forging with the world beyond parenthood.

--Do your best not to feel second-class (and apologetic) when you show up at a back-to-school night without a spouse. In a society as fluid as ours, many of the partnered there will be in your shoes at next year's event! Besides, you never know when a lone man or woman at the event will turn out to be a single parent, too. Can you imagine a more wholesome meeting place?

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at susan@single-file.com. We've uncovered another treasure trove of "Single File" paperbacks - in perfect condition, signed by Susan, ready to enjoy. Send $15 and your address: Susan Deitz, C/O Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254.