Partner Pushes For No Birth Control
DEAR HARRIETTE: My current form of birth control is about to expire, and my partner does not want me to renew it. He knew this time was coming, but it feels like he deliberately waited until just a few days prior to my procedure to tell me he doesn't want me to renew my birth control. It feels as though if I move forward with the procedure, my partner may feel ignored, while I think I should still be on birth control as we figure out what's next for us. When I brought up the idea of us having two to four weeks of no intimacy so that we can think clearly and decide together if we are ready to prepare for parenthood, he responded glumly that he'll do his best, but no promises. I want to be considerate of my partner, but in the same breath, I've never allowed myself to make big decisions under pressure, and I don't want to start now. Do you have any suggestions on how we can compromise without risking pregnancy while we decide? -- Split the Baby
DEAR SPLIT THE BABY: Your partner is being unreasonably demanding. You do not have to accommodate his pushiness. Stand your ground. Begin to talk seriously about the future. What do you two want for your lives? What commitment have you made or are you willing to make now? If children are a serious part of your vision, when do you want to have them? How many? Have you set yourselves up for success in building a life together? Are you financially ready? Do you plan to marry, or what other way do you intend to solidify your commitment?
Talk about all of this -- and yes, do so without being sexually intimate. You are looking at the big picture of your lives together. A few weeks of sober contemplation should not be too much to ask.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I just read your answer to "Confused Child," whose mom got dramatic when her daughter didn't answer a couple of her calls while the daughter was away visiting a friend. While I am sure you are correct that her mom probably misses her, the mom's over-the-top emotional response also seems like she has a controlling personality. Her mom's dramatic exit off the phone and going to the other room to cry over a couple missed phone calls are purely guilt-trip tactics. I think the daughter needs to set boundaries with her mom. There is no reason the daughter should feel guilty for enjoying an uninterrupted visit with a friend. The mom being so jealous that she called the dad was also out of line. -- Fretting Mom
DEAR FRETTING MOM: Fair point. It can be tough for a child -- even a young adult -- to stand up to a parent, but it is important to reset expectations so that the mother-child relationship can remain healthy. One idea is to agree that the daughter will text to say she is safe when she arrives somewhere and to do the same when she gets back home. They can agree to talk after the next excursion. Then, if Mom calls, she shouldn't expect a return call until after the trip, per their agreement.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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