Stress Of Success Causes Breakdowns
DEAR HARRIETTE: As I've grown up, I've always tried to do my best whenever I can. I try not to limit myself with mediocrity and always push myself. This has been a main driver of my successful moments; however, it definitely impacts the way I treat myself in private. Although people see me as a high achiever, I find myself constantly critiquing my mistakes and unable to move past my imperfections. This leads to hours of spiraling and looping, the result of me subconsciously thinking I'm not allowed to mess up. This even extends to me pushing away my emotions when it impacts my productivity. This often snowballs into me having huge breakdowns as a result of pent-up emotions. Do you have any tips for learning to see yourself as human and not a machine? -- Humanizing Myself
DEAR HUMANIZING MYSELF: I understand your pain. I grew up in a household where we were taught that excellence is the only option. That meant constantly striving to do my absolute best at every task at hand. I learned balance in a couple of ways over the years. First, I figure out how to break down responsibilities into small tasks. I write them down and check them off as I accomplish them. This allows me small victories as I lead up to a big completion. With each accomplishment, I feel a sense of pride and positivity. This helps to buoy my self-confidence.
I recommend that you also build in time for fun. I find (fun) activities that use my brain or allow for competition so that it's still high-level, but it's meant to bring joy.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have always been the stay-at-home type of person. I have never really enjoyed going clubbing or going out with too many people. This could not be more different from my partner. She is extroverted and wants to go everywhere she can. Since we've been dating, she expects me to go anywhere she asks without complaint. I understand and I'm happy that she wants to spend time with me, but it is often too far outside my comfort zone. I try not to say anything, but she knows I am not as adventurous as her.
I'm not sure how to handle this, as I don't want to keep her from doing what she enjoys, but I feel like I need her to respect my boundaries, too. How would you recommend starting to balance each other's interests in a relationship? -- Homebody
DEAR HOMEBODY: Make sure your partner knows that you don't mind if she goes out without you. She may be feeling guilty for wanting to go when you want to stay at home. Agree to go to some events with her, as you ask her to reserve some time for you to be together at home. Finding your rhythm takes time. Many couples have different social desires. As long as you work it out together and make time for each other where you both are comfortable, you will be fine.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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