Siblings Want Parents To Transfer Assets
DEAR HARRIETTE: As my parents get older, they are focusing more on organizing their affairs and estate planning. With that comes some tough decisions. I am the oldest of four children, and naturally, my parents default to me for certain things. When we were growing up, my parents acquired several properties, and they purchased them in my name and my siblings' names in birth order (so the first home was mine, the second was for the second child and so on). So now we are each fortunate to have at least one home in our names.
My parents recently sat me down for a hard conversation, admitting to me that my siblings don't trust me to be in charge should our parents pass away, and they have asked that my parents transfer some of their assets out of my name. I am shocked and appalled. Should I confront my siblings, or simply prove to my parents that I am capable of leading? -- Birthright
DEAR BIRTHRIGHT: First, talk to your parents and ask them what they think. Ask for an honest assessment of this request, and be prepared to listen. Do a self-evaluation: How well do you manage money, including your personal finances, your home, etc.? Do your siblings have a legitimate reason to want to take this responsibility away from you?
Also, if the assets are to be divided in a particular way, why can't that be set up specifically in your parents' will or trust so that each of you has a direct line to whatever should be rightfully yours after they pass? Try not to take this request too personally as you also look to improve your behavior and avoid a rift among your siblings.
DEAR HARRIETTE: When my husband and I got married and moved in together 58 years ago, I had the same issue as the letter writer from "Boys House." I found myself picking up everything, putting everything away and keeping the house clean and tidy while also doing my own work. I finally decided that an object lesson was needed in order to equalize responsibilities and maintain a tidy home. For one week, I picked up everything of mine and nothing of his. On Saturday (cleaning day), I opened the morning discussion with "I have an idea: I'll pick up all of my stuff and you pick up all of your stuff." He thought that was a great idea. He got busy, and I sat down. Lesson learned. All these years later, he is the neat one, and sometimes I would like to leave something lying around! He took the lesson to heart, and we have a very, very clean and tidy home. Just saying ... -- Lesson Learned
DEAR LESSON LEARNED: Thanks for sharing your story! Yes, teaching by example is often a better way of handling a challenge than fussing about it. Your strategy showed your husband what he was doing, and he made the smart decision to step up. Let's hope that reading this story will inspire others to do the same.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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