Boyfriend Upset By Mom And Partner's Relationship
DEAR HARRIETTE: I have been dating my boyfriend for six years now, and I have developed a close relationship with his family. We got along immediately, and they welcomed me in. His mom and I speak regularly for long periods, and my boyfriend feels like it's excessive. He doesn't have the best relationship with his mom, and he feels like she isn't interested in getting to know him as a person. He says that after he became self-sufficient, their relationship became distant and surface level. However, she and I have thorough conversations and are building a genuine connection. I think it's because she sees me as a younger friend rather than her child.
I don't want to make my boyfriend feel left out and I try incorporating him into our chats, but he's not ready to move on without closure. How do I use the relationship she and I have to mend her relationship with my boyfriend? -- In Between
DEAR IN BETWEEN: Tread carefully. Your boyfriend does need to mend his relationship with his mother, but you may not be able to help. Indeed, your bond with his mother may feel like rubbing salt in the wound of his heart. How can you two get along so well when he feels like his mother wasn't there for him?
You may need to back off from the intimacy you are establishing with his mother. You can even tell her that you believe she and her son need to resolve their issues first. To your boyfriend, let him know that you choose him first. As much as you love and respect his mother, you want him to know that you have his back. I have seen parents "steal" friends from their children. It rarely ends well.
DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in my last year of college, and I transferred to a new school with a different culture. My original institution was bustling with campus life like student organizations, Greek life and an active campus community. It was a mostly residential college, which allowed us to get to know each other more. I remember dorm-room parties, random cookouts and the occasional tussle. My new school has more prestige, although people often feel less connected to each other. It has a much larger commuter population, and many commuters go straight home after class. The members of the student organizations do try to pull people in, but there's not as much interest in campus life. The students seem more interested in academics and career over building community connections. How would you recommend assimilating to this new college culture? -- Culture Shock
DEAR CULTURE SHOCK: There's always a trade-off. As a senior, focus part of your time on your future: Do you have a job lined up after graduation? What are your next steps?
Socially, look around to notice who you like. Seek out one or two people in your classes, in one of the student organizations you have joined or on campus, and actively work to build a relationship with them. You will have to work harder at a commuter school, but it is possible to make friends if you make it a priority.
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(Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)
Copyright 2026, Harriette Cole
COPYRIGHT 2026 Andrews McMeel Syndication. This feature may not be reproduced or distributed electronically, in print or otherwise without the written permission of Andrews McMeel Syndication.
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