ArcaMax

Dear Annie: My 15-year-old daughter was given a piece of sentimental jewelry on the day of her grandmother's funeral. It had belonged to her grandmother, and the gesture was meant to be a beautiful way for my daughter to carry a piece of her with her.

At the time, my daughter seemed touched. She wore it a few times, and I remember feeling comforted seeing it on her, as if this small object helped connect the generations during a very sad time.

Now, only a few months later, I fear the jewelry has been lost. We have searched drawers, jewelry boxes, backpacks, coat pockets, bathroom counters and all the usual teenage "black holes," but so far, nothing has turned up.

I feel awful. Part of me is sad about the loss itself, and part of me is anxious about what it represents. I worry that other family members may ask about it someday, or notice she is not wearing it. They may never bring it up, but I know it is missing, and the guilt is weighing on me.

My daughter feels bad, too, but she is 15, and I do not want to make her feel as if she has failed her grandmother's memory. At the same time, I want her to understand the importance of caring for meaningful things.

How do I handle this with compassion, honesty and perspective, especially if the family asks where the jewelry is? -- Missing More than My Jewelry

Dear Missing: The jewelry matters because it was a symbol of love. But the necklace is not the love itself. At 15, even meaningful things can disappear into a backpack, a bathroom drawer or that mysterious teenage cave known as "my room."

Keep looking, but do not turn grief into guilt.

Tell your daughter gently: "I know this meant something special. Let's keep searching, and next time, we'll make a safer place for sentimental things."

If family asks what happened, be honest and calm: "She wore it and treasured it, but sadly it seems to be misplaced. We are still hoping it turns up."

In the meantime, offer your daughter grace. No shame. No trial. She does not need a lecture nearly as much as she needs the reassurance that one mistake does not define her character. She is already learning that some things are precious. The most precious thing her grandmother left her is not the jewelry. It is the love that still stays.

And don't give up hope just yet. Lost items have a funny way of reappearing months or even years later in the least expected places.

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"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.