Life Advice

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Health

Chasing Success, Losing Sleep

Annie Lane on

Dear Annie: I was really excited when I landed my dream job a few months ago. It has great pay and a title that can really take me places. But now, just a few months in, I'm pulling my hair out. We're in our "busy season," which means lots of late nights and working weekends. Every time I finish one assignment, two more pop up. My problem isn't the hours -- I know busy season will end -- it's that I cannot sleep. For the past week, I've been lucky to get three or four hours a night.

When my head hits the pillow, despite being exhausted, I start replaying every conversation I had that day. I worry I'm not doing well enough. I keep my phone nearby so I can jot down notes and ideas without forgetting them, which, it turns out, happens all night long.

All I want is a night of deep, restful sleep. But my brain can't turn off.

I've tried the usual advice: less coffee, more water, no screens before bed. Not helping.

I'm worried my exhaustion is beginning to show. I'm forgetful, irritable and increasingly convinced I'm proving I don't belong in this role -- which only fuels the cycle.

Is this just the price of "success," or is there a way to quiet my mind long enough to get a decent night's sleep? -- Wide Awake and Weary

Dear Wide Awake and Weary: Success does not need to cost you your sanity.

Create a 20- or 30-minute wind-down ritual: dim lights, no phone, same steps in the same order each night. Earlier in the evening, do a "brain dump" on paper, including any tasks, worries or loose ends, so your mind isn't rehearsing them at 2 a.m.

In bed, try a simple mental exercise: slow breathing (inhale for four seconds, exhale for six) or gently count breaths, restarting whenever your thoughts wander. When your mind drifts, don't fight it; return to the rhythm. Consistency, not effort, is what quiets a busy mind.

 

Dear Annie: My sister is, unfortunately, one of those girls who drops off the face of the planet when she gets into a relationship. She's less available, and when we do talk, the conversation often circles back to her boyfriend's opinions, plans and needs.

I've tried to be patient, but lately it's really been getting to me. When I suggest getting together just the two of us, she often invites her boyfriend along or says she'll "see what works," which usually means it doesn't happen.

I understand that relationships take time and energy. Still, I miss my sister and am honestly kind of offended that she's so quick to put our relationship on the back burner.

I can feel myself getting resentful, but I'm not sure if bringing it up will make things better or worse. -- Missing My Sister

Dear Missing: You're not the first sister to feel this shift, and you won't be the last. When someone enters a new relationship, it's common for their attention to narrow for a while.

Choose a calm moment and speak plainly: You miss one-on-one time and value your relationship. Be specific ("a weekly coffee just us") and avoid criticism. Sometimes a simple reminder is all it takes.

========

"Out of Bounds: Estrangement, Boundaries and the Search for Forgiveness" is out now! Annie Lane's third anthology is for anyone who has lived with anger, estrangement or the deep ache of being wronged -- because forgiveness isn't for them. It's for you. Visit http://www.creatorspublishing.com for more information. Follow Annie Lane on Instagram at @dearannieofficial. Send your questions for Annie Lane to dearannie@creators.com.


 

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