ArcaMax

DEAR ABBY: I helped plan a 12-guy bachelor party in Boston. The best man's initial email outlined the itinerary -- two nights away and a Bruins game -- and included a link to the Airbnb. Everyone RSVP'd with an enthusiastic "yes." With headcounts locked, we booked the lodging and group-rate tickets. The total came to $565 per person (including covering the bachelor).

Once the price was announced, three guys backed out. I offered installment plans, but they refused. We filled one spot but were still left holding a huge deficit. While on the trip, the remaining attendees agreed that the dropouts should help cover the nonrefundable losses. We asked them for a reduced fee of $200 each. One of them paid, one sent half and the third has gone silent. They are all furious. I understand money is tight, but they shouldn't have committed before we pulled the trigger on bookings. Are we wrong for asking them to pay for backing out late? -- STUCK WITH THE BILL

DEAR STUCK: Airbnb and traditional hotels ask for a booking deposit so that they won't lose money if someone backs out of a reservation. You should have done the same. If you had collected some or all of the money for the trip before making the deposit, you wouldn't have suffered such a big loss when people changed their minds.

Because there is fault on both sides, $200 seems like a reasonable compromise to me. Thank the man who paid the full requested amount. I wouldn't pressure the others or ever mention it again -- even if they choose not to pay. They're probably embarrassed that they couldn't afford to join in, and as the saying goes, "You can't squeeze blood from a stone."

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter, "Melanie," hates me. She is 11 and a pre-teen, but she has been like this for many years. I don't know why. Melanie won't even say hello to me when I greet her. She'll let me take her and her friends to places that cost lots of money, but she doesn't want to be with me. She's hateful, and I correct her sometimes, but her parents never correct her when she does it. Melanie never, ever says thank you when I do something for her and never lets me touch her. Should I give up and wait to see if she will come back to me? -- MISSING HOW IT COULD BE

DEAR MISSING: The fault for your granddaughter's misbehavior lies with her parents, who should have taught her common courtesy and respect for others. Rather than give up, take a step back. Quit rewarding her bad behavior. Shut your wallet, stop buying her gifts, and stop taking her and her friends places. Do not try to touch her.

When you see her at family gatherings smile, say "Hello, Melanie, how are you?" When she ignores you, concentrate on the other relatives and let yourself have a good time. Melanie may or may not grow out of her bratty stage, but you are being foolish to let it affect you.

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