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DEAR ABBY: My husband's best friend died when we were in our early 30s. His son, "Marty," recently moved back to the area with his wife and three boys. We think of them as family.

My husband often needs help with heavy handyman jobs. (I was diagnosed with cancer and am unable to help him.) He frequently recruits Marty for this kind of help, and Marty always brings along his wife and kids. They don't watch or discipline the kids, and I'm exhausted. Is it really up to me to parent their kids while they are here giving us a hand? -- BOTHERED IN UTAH

DEAR BOTHERED: It certainly looks like it. Unless you find the courage to remind the wife that you are not in good health and need the children to "tone it down," the situation isn't going to change. If you cannot bring yourself to do that, then consider arranging to "visit a friend" when you know they are coming.

DEAR ABBY: My wife meets once a week with several other Christian women to discuss various topics. Everyone gets to the meeting on time except one woman, "Florence," who typically arrives just a few minutes before the meeting is over. The others have tried ending the meeting just as she comes in to encourage her to come on time, but it has had no effect.

Last week, they had a three-hour lunch party. In an attempt to get Florence there on time, the hostess had told her they were shutting down after three hours as she had other things to do afterward. However, Florence arrived 15 minutes after the party was over. My wife is at a loss about how to get the woman to arrive for the beginning. Should they just exclude her? -- FRUSTRATED GROUP IN TEXAS

DEAR FRUSTRATED: What Florence has been doing is consistent and insulting. If she were interested in doing anything more than making a "personal appearance," she would arrive at the appointed time as the rest of the women do. Yes, because of her rude and inconsiderate behavior, they should scrub her from the invitation list.

DEAR ABBY: We are grandparents. When our son, daughter-in-law and grandchildren visit, we want to do a lot of things and take them places. But I often feel like I am pushing my daughter-in-law. She says her life is hectic with work and activities for the kids. She just wants to sit in my house. I want to get out.

We are arguing because we can't come up with a plan that everyone is agreeable with. Is it proper for me to ask her if we could take the kids while she rests at home? I'm not sure she would like that. How can we work this out so everyone is happy? -- TRYING TO HELP IN THE EAST

DEAR TRYING: Your daughter-in-law has already told you she would be happy sitting quietly in your home. Tell her this is her vacation as well as the kids', and there is a way for everyone to be happy if she will allow you and your spouse to take the kids for outings. If you do, you might find that she is not only open to the idea, but also relieved.

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