As the world we live in moves further and further online, there is still the opportunity to meet someone in person, or “in the wild,” as it were. I’m talking about meeting IRL — in real life. While there are, of course, no guarantees, if you’re looking to supplement your experience with online dating, I want to make sure we cover the bases for meeting someone offline.

And yes, I did say “supplement.” I understand the temptation to scrap all the dating apps and only focus on meeting someone in person, especially if the apps are taking a toll on your mental health or even sleep schedule. But, to the extent that you’re able to do both, I’d still encourage it. The dating apps are the most ubiquitous tools out there, so I don’t want you to ignore them completely, but I also don’t want you to solely rely on them. We can find a happy medium.

Where to meet people

The way I see it, there are four ways you can meet someone to date in the wild:

1) Serendipity

2) At a singular event not specifically tailored to dating

3) At a class or special interest gathering

4) At a dating event

Serendipity

I know, I know. You want to be sitting next to the most attractive person on the airplane, and you suddenly look into each other’s eyes, and it’s love at first… flight? So rarely do things happen that way. We just happen to remember these stories because they are the anomaly. Are they sexy? You bet. Are they common? No. So, we’re not going to spend any more time on this category.

In person, at an event that is not specifically tailored to dating

I’m talking about networking events, concerts, comedy shows, trivia nights. Things you just like to do. If you go, you’ll be happy. Say hi to a new person there, and you’ll be happier. It’s not a dating event, but it’s something that allows you to be with people. That’s it.

Of course, I do want you to feel equipped if you meet someone interesting there. So I’m going to recommend something very simple:

“ Hi, I don't think we've met (yet). I'm [insert your name].”

At a class or special interest gathering

Think of the things you like to do. Are you into art? Sports? Crossword puzzles? Running? Truly ask yourself, “What do I like to do, and can I find a group with people who also like to do it?”

Let’s use running as the example. Run clubs are popping up everywhere—people gathering at a meeting spot to run a certain distance and then perhaps getting together after to socialize. Even if you’re generally a solo runner, maybe once a week, you could sacrifice the solitary for something more social. You’re still running, but now you’re in a group of like-minded people who enjoy a similar way of exercising.

So, take a minute to brainstorm. What do you like to do? Is there a way to do this thing with other people? Is there a meeting of people with a similar interest in your area? If not, can you create one?

Much of the experience of meeting people is putting yourself where people are. It’s not always easy, but with some imagination and some creativity, it’s more than possible.

At a Dating Event

A dating event, of course, is the most surefire way to meet people who are single and looking. I’m primarily talking about mixers and speed-dating events, events where the organizer curates a group of people, usually delineated by age, to meet for a few hours.

One of my favorite questions that you can ask someone at a singles or speed-dating event that's not as boring as “What do you do?” or “Where are you from?” or “How’s your day going?” is this: “If you weren't here right now [at this event], what would you be doing/be up to?”

This question alone will truly give you a sense of how someone enjoys spending their time, and that should, in turn, start a conversation. It's a more interesting way to ask, “What are your hobbies?” which tends to put people on the spot and make them freeze up. (Just make sure you have a good response for when the person asks it right back to you.)

Meeting someone in person isn’t about forcing things; it’s about consistently putting yourself where connection has the chance to happen.

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