Life Advice



Erika Ettin: What's honesty vs. oversharing

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Dating Advice

A question I get a lot as a dating coach is, “How much should I disclose in my dating profile?” Or: “How much information should I share on the first date?”

We all know that honesty is the best policy, but is it possible to be too honest when you're dating? The short answer is yes.

While transparency is key to building a meaningful connection, oversharing can also be the thing that sends potential partners running. So how do you strike the right balance?

Usually, when someone asks me this question, they have something in mind that they feel needs to be shared or disclosed. Maybe it’s some health information, or maybe it’s something about a past relationship.

When it comes down to it, I can’t advise someone on exactly what to share and what not to, or when. But some things need to come out over the course of time, lest you run the risk of oversharing prematurely.

Building emotional intimacy is a beautiful part of dating and getting to know someone … and it happens over time.


Let’s look at a few examples:

Sharing relationship history

I have a lot of clients who tell me their dates go on and on about their previous relationships, often putting their former partners in a negative light.

While some might consider this “just being honest,” I would call it an overshare.


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