Life Advice



Erika Ettin: In dating, it's easy to get in your own way

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Dating Advice

I used to rent office space to meet with clients (now everything happens on Zoom… thanks, COVID-19), and that space was in downtown Washington, D.C. When I walked to the office (gotta love city living), I tried to avoid streets where the sidewalks were closed due to construction. In the spring, I made sure to steer clear of the throngs of tourists here, all just in time to see the cherry blossoms.

Basically, I didn’t want to walk where I knew there were going to be obstacles.

In fact, in most aspects of life, I try to find ways to avoid unnecessary hurdles that keep me from my ultimate goal, whatever that is.

In dating, there are also so many potential obstacles to the first date:

1. Excessively messaging with someone online

2. Long phone calls, which I generally don’t recommend (the caveat is a video call if you’re long-distance or not able to meet in a timely fashion)


3. Texting before the date

Let’s say you have a 100% chance of getting to the first date with someone new. Each of the obstacles above, often self-imposed, is a potential rejection point for your date (or you) to decide not to go out. In other words, the more obstacles you put in your way, the lower the probability of actually getting to the first date.

Let’s look at the texting example.

How many times have you said the following to your friends?


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