Life Advice



Erika Ettin: You're single because...

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Dating Advice

I saw this meme once that said:

Me: I hate being single.

Also me:

— *Doesn’t reply on the apps for weeks.*

— *Cancels dates if I don’t feel like getting dressed.*

— *Cuts people off for the dumbest things.*


I hear things like this almost daily from both clients and friends. They complain about not wanting to be single. But when I ask what they’re doing to better their dating life, I’m often met with avoidance, a shrug or a response of “um… not much.”

I’m going to shout this in case you can’t hear me: DATING TAKES WORK.

We all remember the story of the one couple we know who met on the train or at the grocery store, locking eyes over the frozen broccoli. That’s lovely, but it’s also an outlier. Or how about that couple that happened to be at the same birthday party and can’t believe they never met before? That’s lovely, too. But we can’t rely on serendipity. We can count on hard work… and even then, there’s no guarantee.

For some clients’ coaching sessions, via Zoom, I first look at their activity on whichever apps or sites they are using. After I have momentary heart failure when I see how many new matches are listed (as in, you’ve both “swiped right” on each other, indicating that you like each other) with not a single conversation happening, we go through the app slowly but surely until it’s organized and efficient.


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