Life Advice



Erika Ettin: What to do if you hate dating but still want to date

Erika Ettin, Tribune News Service on

Published in Dating Advice

I received a text from a client recently that had three short words in it:

“I hate dating.”

Now, as a dating coach, I hear things like this all the time — from clients, close and not-so-close friends, strangers I meet at trivia night, the list goes on. And when someone says something both so general and so negative, I, of course, have to press the “why?”

In this case, I replied, “Um… where did that come from?”

She replied, “Just home from a date with this guy. He was fine. Not super attracted to him. Honestly, wanted to be home eating ice cream. Figured I’d give it an hour. So I did. Definitely no interest in seeing him again.”

Me: “Ok…”


Her: “But like he asked me out again on the date. Like to my face!”

Me: “Sounds like he liked you.”

Her: “That’s the problem! I could talk to a brick wall if I had to. I hate leading people on.”

Me: “Being friendly and having a nice conversation isn’t leading someone on. It’s just normal date behavior… So what did you do when he asked you out?”


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