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Dear Eric: After two decades working in the same organization and several years in my actual position, I've been wanting a change. I actually like my job but now in my mid-40s feel like I need to change things up for the second half of my career.

Between my wife's income and some savings, we could get by financially for a while.

I've resigned twice and gone back both times saying let's give it more time. While some friends are supportive and completely understand where I'm coming from, others (especially my parents) are highly concerned about me finding another job. I'm not even that worried about it, I really just want a break from work and the opportunity to come back refocused later.

But I keep having so much doubt and second-guessing myself, especially when others express such nervousness. Any tips on deciding whether or not to take the big leap?

– Nervous for the Second Act

Dear Second Act: In another part of my life, I’m a playwright and so I think a lot about second acts. It’s crucial that you set up the action of the second act in the first. You may not know everything that’s going to happen, but when the curtain rises after intermission, you’re not starting from scratch.

Similarly, I suggest you do some thinking and planning about what you want to try or explore after leaving your job. How are you going to come back refocused? Change doesn’t just happen. But you can create the conditions for it.

You don’t necessarily need to know what job you’d be going into (although, it’s always a good idea to have something else lined up). But you can start planning for the “after” right now. Are you hoping to learn a new skill, connect with a different part of yourself, reset your life? Start laying the groundwork now.

Take a class or a workshop over a weekend or at night. Apprentice yourself. Cultivate interests in your current life, beyond your job, so that you can carry those interests into the next chapter.

Dear Eric: My mother committed suicide 13 years ago. At the time, my father,

sister and I did not really mourn her. We had been estranged from her for years, as she had become incredibly abusive and refused to get treatment for her severe alcohol abuse and bi-polar disorders.

She also did it three weeks before my wedding, so I, at least, tried to put my confused feelings about her death on hold.

Over a decade has gone by, and I am now in intensive treatment for major depression, anxiety, PTSD, alcoholism and my own suicide attempt. Now that I have some distance from the worst of my illnesses, I find that I want to grieve for my mother: for the person she was before her sickness got out of control, and for the person she could have been if only she had sought help instead of ending her life.

However, my Dad and my sister don’t want to talk about her. I want to respect their feelings. But I miss my Mom, and I don't want to grieve on my own. Or maybe I just want to know that they would have grieved for me if my own suicide attempt had been successful.

How do I talk to my family about this without causing them more pain? Or should I just let it go?

– Confused and Grieving Daughter

Dear Daughter: I’m sorry for the loss of your mother and the incredibly painful impact her suicide has had on your life. You’re right to process your grief. Dealing with the feelings you have, acknowledging them, and, if possible, seeking to remedy them will help you. Though your sister and your father aren’t in the same place, emotionally, or aren’t ready to do this work, you don’t have to do this alone.

While processing with family is sometimes helpful, it can be very beneficial to talk with a therapist or grief support group that will allow you to express whatever complicated emotions come up without having to negotiate around another person’s feelings.

Even though you share memories of your mother with your family, your perspective will always be unique. Start to document what you’re thinking and remembering, whether through journaling, art, scrapbooking or another means.

You may find that your father and sister’s resistance to talking about her ebbs in time. Give them the space to process this in the way that works for them. Remember that their relationship with you is different from their relationship with her, and you’ve found ways to make different choices from the ones she made. Because of this, the three of you have a future together and there may come a time when they feel able to talk about it with you.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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