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Dear Eric: I have been undergoing tests to confirm a diagnosis of multiple myeloma, and all the signs are pointing in that direction. While I navigate the medical system, test results and diagnosis, I am faced with the challenge of telling people about all of this.

I have three grown daughters who are relatively settled in life. I would like to tell them in a way that will be the easiest for them to hear. My train of thought is to wait for a definitive diagnosis, a prognosis and a plan of treatment. That way they will know what it is, what it will look like and for how long.

I am currently employed remotely and have medical coverage through my employment. Arranging doctor’s visits and lab visits is becoming more difficult as they are increasing significantly. I hesitate to inform my employer because I fear that I’ll lose my job and my medical benefits. I can envision a more flexible schedule; that has been done for other employees.

With all of this, I’m having trouble pretending like everything is OK.

Do you have any advice on the way to present this information to my children, so it lands as softly as possible? And to my employer so I can still do my work with a more flexible schedule?

– Sick and Worried Mom

Dear Mom: I’m so sorry about the stress you’re experiencing and the scary medical news you’re encountering. Your concern for your daughters is very kind. But one of the privileges of family is being able to support our loved ones when they’re going through challenges. So, I encourage you to tell your daughters as soon as possible. There’s no time that will make it easier to hear, unfortunately, but if you wait, you carry this burden alone and they will wish that they could have done more sooner to help you.

The softest landing is just the truth: this is what I know now, this is what I’ve been told to do next, this is what I’m experiencing physically, mentally and spiritually. And this is what I’d like from you, even if it’s just checking in more.

I know it may be hard to hear, but you don’t have to manage this for your daughters. Our health can sometimes be more than one person can possibly manage; that’s why we seek out doctors, nurses and other experts. So, trust that your daughters understand that this is beyond your control, and theirs, and that they want to walk with you through the unknown.

Similarly, you don’t have to manage this for your employer. There are federal protections that prevent you from being fired because of medical leave. If you have HR, ask to have a confidential conversation about your options. If you don’t have HR, you may want to consult with an employment attorney to determine the safest way for you to get the considerations you need.

Dear Eric: Your advice to “Messy House” regarding the disconnect between chores and cleanliness was spot on. The letter writer was frustrated that her 79-year-old husband does a poor job of cleaning and maintaining the house. Messy has to decide if her frustration is worth the misery and constant battles she's picking.

My husband and I are retired and faced a similar mismatch in cleanliness expectations. I realized early on that my cleanliness standard is a lot higher than most people, so I clean more often. It also helps that we now have the luxury of separate bathrooms. He can run whatever disgusting science experiment he wants in his bathroom, and I keep mine (and the one guests use) clean to my higher standards.

Also, I've learned to let go and let him do other chores around the house as he chooses, without micromanaging him. And I thank him for his efforts. I also have tried to model that if you don't make a mess in the first place, there's less cleaning to do.

We are both a lot happier and more relaxed and able to communicate calmly. If Messy can't get over it, hire a cleaning service.

– Clean Freak

Dear Clean Freak: I’m glad you and your husband have found a solution that works for both of you. As with so many aspects of marriage (I daresay every aspect), clear communication is key. Every couple and every home is going to be different and so it’s important that neither person assumes the other is “in charge” of cleaning or managing the home. Making a life together is a shared project, and that project can change as the years go on. I hope that the letter writer, and any other couple that is getting hamstrung by different expectations around chores, is able to talk it through with respect and fair-mindedness.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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