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Dear Eric: I have a lady I consider a friend, but I notice that she only calls me when it's convenient for her. I call her to talk, and she makes everything about her. I am really considering stopping talking to her.

She says she doesn't have any friends. She is in her 70s and I'm in my 50s and I have said something to her about the problem. Am I wrong for not wanting to be her friend because sometimes when I text her, she doesn't answer or when I call, she doesn't answer? I think that's disrespectful. I don't do that to her. I politely respond even if I'm busy or working.

– Left Unanswered

Dear Unanswered: It seems there’s two issues in the friendship here. First is the misalignment in your communication styles. And second is your frustration with what you talk about when you do talk. Either could be a dealbreaker. Sometimes friendships run their courses or two people who once were compatible find that they no longer are. It’s OK if you feel it’s time to put some space between you.

However, do consider that her phone response habits may not be a sign of disinterest or disrespect. The prevalence of cellphones and texting continues to change and reshape society. We all have different relationships to how available for communication we are. She may not always keep her phone handy, or she may simply not enjoy replying to every call or text she gets.

It may help you to set a regular time to call. This way, expectations get managed and, ideally, she’ll pick up.

Dear Eric: One of my relatives is a young lady in her early 30s. She’s gainfully employed and is in a year-long relationship. She would like to marry her friend who is about her age and also has a career. So far, no ring. My theory, which I'm not sharing with her, is that if a man has been with a woman for this long without a commitment to marriage, he is using her as a convenience and she should move on. Any thoughts?

– No Ring

Dear No Ring: My thoughts, respectfully, are that those thoughts should continue to be kept to yourself unless your relative explicitly asks for them. Every relationship runs on its own timeline. A year is short; they’re still getting to know each other.

Regardless, it seems that their timelines aren’t matching up. She’s expressed a desire to marry. Even if it’s premature, you can, if she wants, support her in advocating for herself, or finding ways to talk through what her partner’s hesitations are. Or choose to end it, if she so desires. It’s often better to have a wise sounding board who can help us think through problems, rather than someone who is going to tell us what we should be doing.

Now, as to her partner’s motivations? I can’t say. Relationships can be tricky; many people feel unmoved to marry or even afraid of it. Some people want a few more revolutions around the sun. The key for any couple, even if they’re aligned in what they want, is clear communication so that everyone is making clear-eyed decisions.

Dear Eric: I was so happy to read the question from “Lover of Flowers and Friends” where the hostess receives fresh flowers from guests and feels obligated to unwrap them, cut the stems, put them in the vase, arrange and display them, while greeting other guests and finishing up last-minute preparations.

After encountering this kind gesture from my guests many times over my party-giving career, I came upon a brilliantly simple solution. What I do is place several vases pre-filled with water along my kitchen counter and some in the bathrooms and I simply pop the fresh cut flowers into an already prepared vase. If the wrap is still on the flowers, I still do it and I prepare the flowers the next day.

During Christmastime, someone inevitably will bring me a large, beautiful poinsettia, which I don’t have room for because of the food and dishes I’ve set out. I place a table outside my front door and place the poinsettia there and bring it in at the end of the party. That way it looks like a beautiful greeting to my guests. I hope this suggestion helps your readers.

– Another Flower Lover

Dear Flower Lover: I really like this suggestion. It’s very adept party-hosting, because good hospitality involves anticipating guests' needs. You’re anticipating that guests might need a place to put the flowers and you’re anticipating that you’ll need to offload the task of floral preparation to later. A win all around. I’m also quite impressed that you’ve cultivated a circle of friends who always come bearing bouquets. What a treat.

(Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.)

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