Ask Amy: Father’s funeral attendance is last straw
Dear Amy: Ten years ago, my father had an affair with an old high school girlfriend. He divorced my mother to marry this other woman.
My parents had been married for more than 20 years, and mom was understandably devastated and went “no contact” with him.
My brother and I were in college at the time and, after a lengthy period of estrangement from our dad, are barely back on speaking terms with him.
Recently, our mother died after a brief illness.
I stopped by a relative's home prior to the funeral service and spotted my father dressed up and seemingly ready to attend the funeral.
Amy, I flipped out. My father treated my mom terribly during the divorce. They had been in the same room only a handful of times over the years for college graduations and a wedding.
They were not hostile toward one another, but also were not speaking.
I know my mother would not have wanted him to be at her funeral and I told him as much. (His wife had enough sense to stay away.)
I went into bouncer mode and forbade him from attending.
My brother and his wife backed me up, telling him that it would be inappropriate for him to be there, considering how he had ended the marriage, and taking into account their nonexistent current relationship.
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